February & March Catch-All

[spiritwalks]

Who: Vyng spiritwalks and various others
What: Catch-All for February. Closed Prompts (in comments) for now, but am open to adding more!
When: Various
Where: Various

Content Warnings: Listed in subject lines when applicable

Notes:

- Style veers wildly between prose and brackets. Just choose whatever style feels good when responding, and I'll match it ♥

- Feel free to hit me up at jackets or Jansen#8997 for plotting and general chatter...or if you want a starter of your own!

Comments

[spiritwalks]

Yeah? Me too.

[It was by lucky chance Vyng heard about this concert at all. He'd helped one of the performers humanely deal with a mouse "problem" by working with the colony to relocate...and she kindly returned the favor by inviting him to see their newest project.]

Sounds like you were busy before the Dream. [Vyng's tone is dry. He realizes that's probably an understatement.] Rest and relaxation must've been difficult to come by.

[jedies]

Yes.

[ he says it in a sigh, a quiet exhale as his thoughts come together. ]

We were fighting a war. A war of many wars, on many planets. And it's not who we're meant to be. But neither could we ignore the call of those who couldn't defend themselves.

[spiritwalks]

[Obi-Wan had mentioned the war a couple of times. But text messages lose a bunch of the nuance in a conversation — tone, body language, the ability to look someone in the eye — so he didn't ask for more details. But since he's bringing it up now, Vyng quietly asks:]

You were conscripted?

[jedies]

[ he shakes his head. ]

We volunteered. We had hoped that with our help, it wouldn't drag so long. That we could help and drag it to a quick close.

It's only later we realized the pride that influenced our decision poorly.

[spiritwalks]

[Pride usually goes hand-in-hand with believing others are dependent on your help. When left unchecked, it can breed an ugly, false benevolence Vyng witnessed growing up. At the same time, he's never sensed false anything in Obi-Wan. Hell, the man can honestly self-reflect and admit to making poor decisions. That alone takes some serious humility.

Vyng nods, sympathetic.]

The cost must have been terrible.

[jedies]

It was. We've lost so many of us. And our number keeps dwindling. Not to say about the toll outside of this war.

[ his friends. his family. satine. so many of them just gone. in the blink of an eye. ]

[spiritwalks]

Outside of the war?

[That could mean anything. Natural disasters? Economic hardship? An apocalyptic collapse of society that upends entire cities and forces people to move into shopping malls? Vyng has seen it all.]

[jedies]

[ obi-wan pauses briefly. ]

There was a leader to a neutral nation. She despised the war. But she still found herself caught up in its machinations.

[spiritwalks]

Someone betrayed her.

[Vyng didn't absorb much from his tutor's political science lectures during his dark days spent locked in his father's winter palace. But he's long-lived enough to at least have a decent grasp of when shitty politicians might do shitty things out of self-interest.]

[jedies]

[ his expression grows dark for a moment. ]

. . . Yes. And she was used. By Maul. She met her end at his blade.

[spiritwalks]

[At that, Vyng quietly inhales through his teeth. He's seen that blade. He hears the kyber crystals' agony anytime he's near it. And he doesn't doubt Maul slaughtered countless others while he roamed his original galaxy.

At the same time, the brief shift in Obi-Wan's demeanor doesn't go unnoticed.]

You saw it?

[Despite the blunt wording, Vyng's tone is gentle. He doesn't expect any answers Obi-Wan isn't willing to give.]

[jedies]

[ obi-wan goes quiet for a moment. ]

That was the point. That I'd see it.

[spiritwalks]

[Because he loved her, Vyng realizes with a terrible pang. That's why Obi-Wan thinks of her alongside his fallen Jedi brothers and sisters — her death was as gut-wrenching as losing family to war.

He places a hand next to Obi-Wan's, palm briefly opening in a silent offer.]

I can only imagine how deeply that wounded you.

[Because that's what it is, when a loved one's life is so maliciously dashed to pieces well before their time would have been otherwise. A wound far more painful than any physical harm anybody could inflict on you. An injury you carry with you for the rest of your life — never fully healed, but something you've got to manage all the same.

Maul knew that. He weaponized it. Now Obi-Wan is living with the consequences, regardless of where Maul ends up on his personal journey to be better.]

[jedies]

[ obi-wan lays his hand open it, palms pressed together. the force weaves the silent strands of his grief, out in the open. obi-wan has no shame in it. satine loved him and he loved her. that love remains untouched, even if the universe feels her loss. as he feels it. ]

It is a wound. Some days are harder than most.

[spiritwalks]

[His fingers loosely curl around Obi-Wan's hand. Even without either of them saying anything, the grief is palpable. Vyng is reminded of the living storm, and how quickly he recognized its core emotion once he actually reached out to it. But unlike the rage and maliciousness that cracked their mast apart, Obi-Wan remains cool and steady like a crystal-clear river that knows where it's going.

Still. It's not an easy path. It never is.]

What do you do? On the harder days.

[jedies]

[ he smiles faintly. ]

I remember.

After all, we are always more than our pain.

[spiritwalks]

[That's true. Pain is only one facet within a brilliant kaleidoscope of experiences.]

Grief is love's final form. And remembering is...how you honor that love, isn't it.

[jedies]

The love we had for each other lives on. She knew it. As do I.

[ remember, my dear obi-wan. i've always loved you. i always will. ]

[spiritwalks]

It's...how you're able to move forward, even though it hurts.

[He recalls his own mother's words, nearly a century ago. "I’ll always be there to show you the way." Is this what she meant? That her love would live on through him?]

[jedies]

[ gently. ]

To live is to move on.

[ that is what all living things must grapple with. and endure. but that is their strength. endurance. ]

[spiritwalks]

[To move on. To grow. To change. Inevitable, but not always easy to accept.]

Many people would be bitter in your shoes. It's so easy to dream about revenge.

[His words are low. Quiet. Just barely loud enough to be heard over the soft chatter of nearby patrons.]

Even if they wake up, and realize they've got so much more to live for...they'd still need to untangle the knots in their heart that came from wasting so much time looking for closure in all the wrong places.

[If their positions were swapped? If he'd been forced to share a town with his mother's murderer? He isn't sure he'd be handling it with quite the same poise and grace. Vyng regards Obi-Wan with a ghost of a smile.]

But you're here. Living.

[And as somebody who's spent years working through his own grief, he respects that so much.]

[jedies]

[ the smile comes to his lips easily. it always does. obi-wan always seems to smile without thought or fear. he smiles in battle, he smiles in the face of the dark, he smiles throughout his life. he smiles because he is always facing the light.

as qui-gon once said, "even if there will never be more light than darkness. even if there can be no more joy in the galaxy than there is pain. for every action we undertake, for every word we speak, for every life we touch . . . it matters.

I don't turn to the light because it'll mean I 'win' some cosmic game. I turn to it because it is the light." ]

Living is the greatest victory there is. And with every step I take, I am not alone.

The Force is with me. It is with all of us. Always.

[spiritwalks]

[Some people might misinterpret the smile as a mask. But the grief woven between them still lingers like the earthy scent of freshly-fallen rain. Vyng is reminded of a sunshower refracting and dispersing light to form a rainbow — inspiring, a symbol of hope for many, but natural all the same — and smiles more fully himself.]

You stay spiritually connected to the people around you. Even when you hurt.

[Vyng's palm, marked with fractal patterns resembling intricate lightning scars, rests comfortably against Obi-Wan's]

You wouldn't trade that hurt for anything.

[Because doing that would mean living a life without love. And without love, how can you ever be free?]

[jedies]

No, I would not.

[ he meant what he said to maul. only the weak embrace the dark. it is the easy way, paved with both good and bad intentions. it siphons the hurts to turn them into anger and rage. people often think that the jedi warn of anger because of the dark.

but that is not how the adage goes. it is not the dark side. it is the suffering that follows.

obi-wan twines their fingers together, the pads of his fingers idly brushing against lightning veins. ]

[spiritwalks]

[Vyng said something similar to Tuck, once, during those initial months without Billie. It was difficult for his best friend to hear. ("Why not?! This place fucking sucks!")

He didn't blame him. Hurting does suck. Hurting is also life. What matters is how they choose to live with that hurt.

He's no paragon of tranquil detachment, obviously. He doesn't pretend to be. Self-medicating and avoiding the hell out of his problems are natural tendencies for him if he's not careful. But that's okay too. Invariably, Vyng works to grow and accept what he can't change. And then he simply focuses on the rest.

"I haven't felt spiritually connected to another person in a long, long time," he admitted to Obi-wan last year. "I'm not there yet."

Vyng draws in a quiet breath.]

You know what?

[He locks eyes with him. Unwavering.]

I wouldn't either.