deercountry | ( this one's for the moms )

I hadn't. I'd just...heard about them.

( he rubs his fingers together, looking down. )

But I'd never seen them before today.

[ that's a strange answer. it's as strange as her not being able to remember amos with the boys. surely, if he's sitting beside her, if she feels comfortable being in his presence, that means he has been in her life for some time. ]

Maybe you just forgot.

[ even as she says it, she doesn't believe it. how could anyone forget her boys? how could anyone forget their friend's children?

she nods. ] Yes, that's it.

Wanda, I didn't just forget.

( he's a dumbass but he's not that dumb. he would not just forget his friend's kids. )

We see each other pretty often and this is the first time I'm seeing these kids.

[ wanda continuously shakes her head. she doesn't like what she's hearing. that doesn't sound right.

no.

he knows them. he has to know them. they're her kids! they have always been with her. she has never been without them, not ever since they were born…

born in westview. tucked into bed. wanda knows that they have been here with her all this time. they had to have been. ]

No. You've seen them before. [ she nods quickly and ignores the tightness to her throat and the tears pricking her eyes. ] They've always been here.

Wanda, I haven't. I don't know them and I've never met them.

( he hates that he has to break it to her but there's something off here and it's making his stomach turn. )

I don't know how they're here but I don't know them. I've been to your apartment before and they've never been before. I'm sorry.

[ wanda doesn't look at him. she wishes to gaze forward and not see nor hear amos' words because they're not true. they're not true. nothing he's saying is true.

but as her boys run across her backyard, she sees them fritz out like white static on the television. that's familiar. she recalls her house going on the fritz, the furniture changing from decade to decade.

wanda shakes her head. ] They've always been here.

[ but billy's covered in static and morphs to being several years younger before returning back to his ten year old self. ]

Wanda.

( he doesn't know what to do. he's not good at this but he doesn't want to just...leave her with this. so, he steps forward and puts a hand on her shoulder. )

I'm sorry.

( he wishes he could do more than just apologize. )

[ it'd be easy to keep them here. all wanda has to do is rewrite the magic that's brought billy and tommy to life from her memories. she could thicken them up, make them more stable, and play this tape on loop every day where her boys take to her backyard and run about like she's always envisioned.

but none of it is real. and wanda would much prefer for it to be.

she doesn't shrug his hand off her shoulder. she lifts her hand and rolls her wrist. tommy and billy disappear in ash-like pieces. her backyard grows instantly quiet.

her dark hair is slow to burn red. she lifts a hand to her eyes to wipe the back of her hand against them. she sniffs hard and shakes her head again. ]

It's okay.

( he feels...bad. like he caused this but he knows that the longer she kept this up, the harder it would be to accept that it wasn't real.

he gives her shoulder a squeeze and then let's go. )

I'm sorry.

( that she didn't have what she wanted. that he couldn't do more. )

[ this is the most comfort wanda's received since vision sitting with her in her room watching her sitcoms and television shows. she keeps her head forward but drops her gaze and breathes slowly and deeply. ]

I was hoping the portals would come back and they could step through them.

[ but the portals are gone and so are her boys—again. ]

I'm sorry they didn't.

( and he really does mean that. while he's not touching her anymore, he does step closer so his shoulder is almost against hers and he looks over at her. )

Why don't we, I don't know, why don't we go sit down? I can get you some water or something.

We should go inside.

[ wanda turns to walk back towards her back door. she glances over her shoulder at amos as she flicks her fingers and the door handle opens beneath a wave of red. she doesn't wish to be outside any longer, not without the boys being loud and obnoxious in the yard. ]

Do you want to be alone?

( that's what his go to would be if he were upset. alone and drinking somewhere so he doesn't wanna impose. )

I can go, if you need me to.

[ as she steps into her kitchen, wanda wanders over to the cupboard she keeps her glasses and grabs two from a top shelf. she shakes her head. ]

No.

[ that, quite frankly, surprises her. she much prefers to be alone. she had been alone when she had gone home.

she turns to face him and holds up a glass. ]

I've never seen you drink water before.

[ yes, it's a gentle challenge. ]

I drink water.

( he takes the glass from her and tips it back, swallowing down a few gulps of water before meeting her challenging gaze. )

Sometimes, it's just easier to be drunk and forget about all the crap that's happened.

[ wanda laughs and presses a hand to cover her mouth. he's sometimes so funny in the most innocent ways. he didn't even need to take a big gulp of the water!

amos will find that his empty glass is full of water once more. ]

But what about the hangover? Doesn't that just remind you of everything?

I'm used to them.

( he shrugs. )

They only really affect me if I get incredibly drunk. Most of the time, I'm just getting drunk enough to not feel anything.

[ that sounds like a lonely existence. while wanda wishes she could erase those pesky feelings of loneliness and abandonment, she's mostly grateful she hasn't. they're what drives her forward. they're what is going to help her get her sons back.

she lifts her own glass to her lips. ]

That sounds like a bit of a lonely experience.

It's an experience that means I don't get hurt.

( and that's what he'd been striving for, no attachments so he didn't have to deal with pain and fear. )

I'm fine with it. I can live with it.

[ wanda doesn't say what she's thinking: that she doesn't think he's completely fine with it. if he was, she doubts he would've come over to wish her a happy mother's day. people who want no attachments wouldn't go out of their way to strengthen one. ]

I was taking a nap. [ she looks down at her glass as she talks. ] And the next thing I knew... they were here. A whole life we lived together was here.

I'm sorry.

( he can't do anything about it and he can't change what happened but he is sorry about what she had to experience. )

It doesn't surprise me. This place can fuck with you when it wants to.

[ she nods, pressing her lips together. while wanda's still processing it all—she'd felt like she had lived a full life here with her boys, a life that isn't grounded in reality at all—she can see the flip side of it. she wants to.

she smiles small. ] It was nice, though. I got to be with them again. [ she widens her smile before looking up at him. ] That sounds silly, doesn't it?

I'll be honest and admit I don't really know what that type of connection is about but...it's not silly.

( he shrugs. she'd loved them. nothing wrong with that. )

Maybe it just means you'll see them again soon.

I hope so.

[ everything keeps implying that she will. she had heard them in her cabin. she has had them come to her here countless times. it's why wanda doesn't want to leave. what if she leaves or they're transported somewhere else and they can no longer find her? ]

They are... somewhere else back home. I can't find them. But they must be close if they are here.

I'll wish that for you.

( there's not much else he can do, unfortunately. he can't help her find the kids and he can't guarantee that she'd find them in the future.

but he can hope that things turn out well. )

That you find them.

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