Alone

[swellter]

Who: Shouto and Allen + Dabi
What: June Event Prompt One. A few hours after THIS. 
When: June 8th.
Where: The Farther Shores a mile away from the cherry blossom tree.

“Alone”

BY EDGAR ALLAN POE

From childhood’s hour I have not been

As others were—I have not seen

As others saw—I could not bring

My passions from a common spring—

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow—I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone—

And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—

Then—in my childhood—in the dawn

Of a most stormy life—was drawn

From ev’ry depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still—

From the torrent, or the fountain—

From the red cliff of the mountain—

From the sun that ’round me roll’d

In its autumn tint of gold—

From the lightning in the sky

As it pass’d me flying by—

From the thunder, and the storm—

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view—
 

The nightmares started in April with the death of a friend.

Lying in a pool of Paleblood, clinging to the dying, the first seeds of corruption sank their teeth into his heart spreading doubt and fear. His brother's warm presence that first night kept him from spiraling to that end that forms every Beast in Trench. The next day, it was Amaterasu's guardian sapling that kept his nightmares at bay. He slept under the tranquil aura of the cherry blossom while he waited for his friend's return. For a week, it's calming influence kept his corruption levels low. Afterwards, it was Allen's kind and radiant presence in his home that maintained the sapling's work. It was only after Allen moved into Sancturary and Shouto returned to active duty with the Hunters that his levels started to rise. His omen kept strict watch on his levels waging war every time corruption started to spread, sending him back to the guardian sapling when his levels rose.

It usually happened late at night when his dreams turned against him, and he woke up in a frozen room with his heart beating frantically in his chest. He clung to Kizu those nights, burying his face into the snow leopards winter coat, finding solace in the cold. Ice crept past his sheets those mornings, covering both Sleeper and omen in a layer of frost. Yet, he managed to keep himself together. Foregoing sleep for more shifts with the Hunters until exhaustion forced him into a dreamless sleep after a few days. 

Keeping his corruption to manageble levels was easier in the presence of his friends. His deep connection with them, kept the dark thoughts from finding purchase in his mind. Maybe that's why he spent so much time with them that second month after Allen's death. Accepting their invitations more readily, joining them for dinner, walking them home, going to parties. Their presence gave him a safe heaven, a place where dark thoughts didn't press on his mind, a respite from the nightmares. So, he slept, taking naps at every turn. Somehow, he managed to keep his corruption levels from spiraling out of control up until June when the demon arrived. 

Prime for a takevoer, the demon found him in the midst of another nightmare and latched onto him the first day with Kizu nonethe wiser. It fed on him, plagued his every dream until his body couldn't keep up anymore and he stopped patrolling altogether on day five too tired to complete his rounds. Scrapes and bruises started appearing on his skin on day seven, and on day eight it sent him into a nightmare so frantic he lost control of his quirk, burning his surroundings. Terror set in then, afraid of himself unaware of his rising corruption levels. With the demon clinging to his back, his thoughts turned dark too quickly. Afraid, Shouto sought out his friends and found Allen's network post from a few weeks ago and he replied in search of a familiar face.

A hero agency.

The concept reminded him so much of home it eased some of the terror from his heart. Already feeling a little better, Shouto couldn't help but respond to ask him about his plans, offer his help. It'd give him an excuse to see him in person instead of conversing through the omini as they usually did these days, but the conversation turned sour when the Hunters were mentioned.

Dark thoughts crept into his mind so quickly, spreading like a disease. The demon was fully grown and it's influence more acute. Well fed, it was bigger than him now. The demon dug its claws into him, influencing his thoughts, turning them against him when the omen interfered but it was too late. It had grown too strong, held far too much influence and plunges him into a nightmare long before he reaches the guardian sapling.

When Allen arrives at the cherry blossom tree on the Farther shores, he'll find it empty. If he looks around, he might find a strange sight about a mile away. Upon inspection, he'll come across a glacier jutting out of the black sands, three stories high, and at it's center - at the level of the sand -  lies an unmoving figure distorted by ice. 

Shouto lies sleeping on the black sands, covered in frost, within an open space at the center of the glacier, cut off from the world. The demon clings to him, feeding readily while the carbon dioxide levels slowly increase.

Comments

[likethelight]

[ Honestly by this point he doesn't even bat an eyelash at that, letting himself get scooped up and just wrapping his arms around his neck. ]

I'll try. [ Gentle and genuine. He lets his invocation drop a moment later, the cloak winking out in a faint choral note and shimmering of featherlike shards of light and leaving him taking up far less of an armful than he did a moment before. Although the sudden lack of its warmth combined with being a lot more exposed and wet and in the air also means being suddenly cold. Then again half of him was still chilled from the ice water...

His arms tighten gently, unsuccessfully fighting off a shiver. ]

I'm sorry the house got flooded. [ Said a bit more quietly. ]

[swellter]

[ The shiver doesn't escape his notice and he activates his left side to chase away the chill. ]

Thank you.

[ He says and starts walking back down the hall with Allen in tow. His brows crease at the apology and he looks at him with a questioning look. ]

You don't need to apologize. You didn't do anything.

[ He was the one who turned on the pipe and the one who forgot about it. If anyone needed to apologize for the flood it was him.

He turns away from the bath and heads to the side of the house out of the river's path. The land-side where the kitchen and living stood, safe from the flooding. Shouto walks into the living room and sets Allen on the small reading nook he often used outside his futon. The one he'll be using for a while with the current condition of his bedroom, and sets Allen down on the soft cushion. ]

[likethelight]

[ Some of the tension that had been in his shoulders bleeds off at the warmth that seeps into them, ratcheting down a notch and relaxing a little. No, he didn't need to apologize even if he did feel a little guilty. It's why he lets his head drop after meeting his gaze for a moment, resting against his collar. ]

It isn't like that. [ No apology based on personal fault. ] I just know you worked really hard on everything. [ Empathy. So he'll help him try to make it whole again too, okay?

Tim, who had drifted off in the direction of the bathroom, slowly wobbles in their direction under the heavy burden of two more towels he fetched. They are very large for Timcanpy but he is managing!! If sweating a little under the strain (somehow). Allen looks up in a little surprise, taking them from the golem after Shouto sets him down. Oh. It stayed dry in here. Good.

He hands one to Shouto first. ]

What happened earlier? It looks like there was a fight in there.

[swellter]

The rooms don't matter.

[ Not to him. He worked hard for the feeling of the whole not the construction of one that would soon be replaced with age. That was the nature of traditional Japanese architecture. Nothing was meant to last and without a caretaker, it would soon fall to ruin. ]

You do.

[ He sets him down in the nook before pulling away, thanking Tim for the towel which he only uses once to dry his face. ]

There was, even if I didn't know it at the time. [ He looks at him, towel firmly grasped between his fingers. ] I burned it.

[likethelight]

[ That kind of answer catches him entirely offguard, breath still momentarily as that clicks. "The rooms don't matter. You do."

"Let's go home. Together."

He's staring for a moment as a series of things seem to suddenly click and fall into place, and rather belatedly he remembers to dry his face only when Shouto does. Using the moment to get his racing thoughts under control as he scrubs at his face half-heartedly, using the ends of the towel to rub his loose hair at least slightly drier. Even as Shouto's explanation for the room causes him to blink and raise his head in some surprise. Even if he didn't know it at the... time? Oh.

The nightmare creature.

Allen pauses, meeting his gaze even if his own flickers to how taut the towel is for a moment, before he reaches out to rest a hand over Shouto's. Giving him a very small, very gentle reaffirming squeeze. ]

Then we can both work on rebuilding it later, okay? Together.

[swellter]

[ His thoughts start to drift to the demon, remembering every decision, every mistake on his part that led up to this end. If he noticed sooner would Allen be in this state now? No. He thinks. He wouldn't. A wash of guilt comes with that realization. He accepts it as he accepts the rest of his faults and thinks not of self-reprimand but how to stop this from happening in the future. His thoughts, as usual, find a hopeful note in the bleakness of the situation. Seeing the destruction but focusing on how to repair it.

A gentle touch is all it takes to bring him back to the present. Dual-colored eyes shift down to their joined hands before lifting up to meet the grey sea, calm after the storm. Maybe that's what he finds so alluring, the calmness underneath compared to the churning lava pools and crackling ice inside him, always moving, never still.

He's silent after Allen's proposal. not simply accepting it at face value, but giving it serious thought, and ends up circling over one key issue. ]

Later?

[likethelight]

[ ?

Of all things, that isn't what he thought would give Shouto pause. He blinks, getting a bemused sort of smile as he cocks his head to the side. ]

Well it doesn't seem like something that can all be done tonight, can it?

[swellter]

[ If he were alone, he'd spend the night doing just that. Mending the immediate and leaving the rest for tomorrow. But it's not just him, and there are other matters more important than ruined tatami mats.

He nods slowly, shifting gears. ]

We should get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow, we can figure out what we can save.

[ He steps back, turning his shoulders ninety degrees, and turns his head down the hallway where the water was seeping into everything. Everything that could be replaced at least. His box was safe. ]

I'll open the doors to let the water out. [ He turns to back to look at Allen. ] Don't follow me this time.

[ It's an order, simply delivered, before he heads out of the living room. He leaves Allen and Tim behind as he tries his best to get rid of the water, once again debating using his ice but the expansion would only make things worse. When he returns, he's completely dry without a speck of water on him. The benefits of a versatile quirk. He's also wearing a white T-shirt and grey comfortable sweats. ]

I found some dry clothes. Do you want the sweats or shorts?

[ He lifts up a pair of shorts with thin breathable material and long sweatpants, soft and insulating. When he makes his pick, he'll set it down on the nook along with another T-shirt and boxers that are way too big for Allen. He lets him change in peace and heads to the kitchen in search of food, worried that Allen might actually collapse if he goes too long without. ]

[likethelight]

[ There's only so much you can do without shops open since he doubts you keep spare mats!! Which... hm. Maybe he should just try to get a list from Shouto and negotiate for those himself...

But after all of the fighting the last few hours -- nearly a day's worth it felt like from the time spent inside the dream world -- they should rest before picking up the pieces. Shouto especially after everything he went through. And Allen didn't see everything, but he saw enough to realize that room is pretty destroyed and there's no rush to try and save anything. Other than setting some things to air out after the water drains...

He gives a sheepish sort of chuckle at the call-out though. Ouch. ]

I won't. [ Even if he does really hate having to sit here...

He works on toweling himself dry, and while no, he doesn't follow Shouto, Timcanpy does. Tagging along with a merry little whistle ♪, he stays near his shoulder and will set his little body against doors before he moves to open them, trying to push them open first. He can't. But he tries! And doesn't seem the least bit sad when he can't.

If Shouto will let him, he also makes a pleasant roost in his hair after it's dry and will sit there looking pleased when he comes back with the dry clothes. Allen blinks and looks up, distracted from his thoughts and finishing finger-combing his hair into some kind of semblance of order. ]

Ah... the sweats are fine. Thank you. [ Thin and breathable would be more his preference, but are his legs ever not fully covered anymore? No. He accepts the clothes, more than a little relieved they survived the damage. He'd been kind of worried, to be honest.

When Shouto leaves again and Allen doesn't think much of it, thinking he was giving him some privacy, he sets to changing. And yes, Tim stays with Shouto, still looking quite pleased with events. ]

[swellter]

What do you think he'd like?

[ He asks Tim as he looks through the fridge, powered by the moon. The fact that his own omen is absent isn't something he touches tonight. Maybe tomorrow. ]

There's leftover onigiri.

[ He moves a few things. ] Miso soup too. [ Moves a few others and-- ] Oh. Curry rice.

Do you think this will be enough?

[ He looks up at Tim, a note of skepticism in his own question, and reaches for the fruit as well. He pulls out a melon first and cuts it into four irregular pieces. The slices are a little too big but at least he doesn't cut himself. Next comes the actual food and plates three cold pieces of onigiri with tuna filling on a plate. The miso soup, he ladles into a bowl and he does the same with the curry.

When he returns from the kitchen he's balancing three dishes, miso, curry, and onigiri on a tray with an empty cup wedge in the center of the crowded tray. ]

Are you hungry?

[ He asks as he carefully sets the tray on the nook and proceeds to pick up the bowl of miso to warm it up in his left hand. When he's done, he sets it in front of Allen to drink before picking up the curry rice to do the same thing. ]

There's more if you want.

[likethelight]

[ Kizu's absence is one reason among many why Timcanpy is staying with Shouto. Sensing that he might benefit from the company as much as he also represents Allen's desire to be with him and more useful, he takes the questions posed very seriously. Leaning in to scrutinize each food item and give it his approval, he becomes especially animated at the curry rice. Flapping his wings and giving animated little mechanical squeaks to note a preference of Allen's, he pats Shouto's hair approvingly with his little hands when he picks it up. Yes, good choice.

As for will it be enough... he leans down to look directly into his eyes with a rather dubious silence. He doesn't know either. Is anything ever enough for Allen? Therefore he scoots back up and gives an approving wag of his wings when he reaches for the fruit. Yes, good. Allen likes fruit too. Though at the quality of the cuts he expresses some doubt, casting Shouto a quietly judgmental "..." though he otherwise says, of course, nothing.

Tim is eager to return to Allen as soon as they step back into the living room, who's dressed by now, the towels neatly folded and set down, but seems a little lost in thought. Pensive and distracted, his attention jerks back when Tim comes over and he sees Shouto -- and food! He got food?! ]

Ah! [ Excited and a little startled both, he scoots over to make room on the nook for both Shouto and the tray. ] You didn't have to! [ But it's extremely appreciated??

Eyes wide, he accepts the miso gratefully but his attention is torn between it and Shouto. ]

Thank you... [ Amazed. It's the simple things that get him.

As for his question about whether he's hungry or not-- his stomach gives a rather unnaturally loud whine as he's still staring in awe. ]

[swellter]

[ Shouto appreciates Tim's presence while sorting through the fridge to make up a menu on the spot. His animated sounds at the mention of curry brings a thought to mind he'll explore later. For now, Tim's approval is easy enough to read. Too bad, he doesn't notice the look Tim gives him over his knife skills. Alas, he will never be a samurai.

Allen's excitement over the food brings a warmth to his eyes that's easy to spot as he sets down the steaming bowl of curry rice. Tilting his head slightly, he settles himself down to watch him with a hint of a smile. ]

There's melon, too. If you have room.

[ He adds, nodding gently at the 'thank you'. ]

[likethelight]

[ Melon? Allen's eyes light up at that, delighted over such a thing, but it's Shouto he looks to instead. Smiling wide and bright before he takes a long sip of the miso soup. Drains it, actually, in one go. Quite easily.

He sets the bowl down and hesitates before reaching for anything else, looking back up at the other boy. He looks content, and that brings a warm happy feeling that even the miso soup couldn't have given, but Allen tips his head to consider him curiously for a moment anyway, and how he's just watching him.. ]

Aren't you going to eat too?

[swellter]

[ He's been witness to some hearty appetites, so the action doesn't throw him off. He simply smiles, shaking his head. ]

I'll eat a piece of melon when you're done.

[ Sorry, Allen. He doesn't have your appetite. Dig in. He's happy enough just to watch him. Nothing odd about that. ]

[likethelight]

[ Just a piece of melon? But he got all this...?

Realizing the truth of that, Allen hesitates for only a moment longer. Mollified that he'll at least have some of the fruit, he smiles more gently this time and picks up the curry rice. ]

Alright. [ It's warmed. So warmed, actually, his eyes a much softer grey. As much by the small smile and gentle expression Shouto has as by the offering of food -- no, much moreso even. But... his gaze also dips a bit shyly away then too as he eats. Picking at it a bit more this time.

Didn't get a chance to talk after earlier, after all... boiling water and floods and all that. ]

[swellter]

[ And all that...

They've spoken in different terms. In the way Allen ceded to his request. The way, Shouto looks at him now and how Allen returns it, shy and soft. With his feet firmly planted on the ground, Shouto settles down beside him, dropping ice cubes into the empty glass and warming it to liquid without a word. Midway through his meal, his thoughts drift back to the bath and he too grows shy, but not enough to keep him silent. ]

Allen...

[ A glance his way, hesitant at first, but persistent. ]

Are you going to do that again?

[likethelight]

[ In how comfortable it is just to sit here quietly together too. Allen isn't one to rush a meal he actually enjoys, but his thoughts are also not entirely on it and drift back in the quiet. Mulling it over a bit nervously and wondering if he should say something -- knowing he should say something but isn't sure what or how -- so much so that he's taken a little off guard when Shouto speaks, quickly looking up.

He blinks, and then remembers to swallow. ]

"That"?

[ ? Stuff a whole onigiri in his mouth at once...? ]

[swellter]

Kiss me.

[likethelight]

[ chokes

--or he would, had he not swallowed first. Good thing he did. ]

O-oh. [ He was thinking of the same thing he was then.

He flushes a little at that. Subconsciously pressing his lips together as he fidgets lightly, suddenly not sure what to do with his hands or... anything else. ]

You kissed me too. [ With an equal passion and fire that made them both tailspin. He says it very gently, looking nervous or not. This is very much outside of his realm of experience. Or exposure. Or... anything. Why was he cursed with terrible mentors!!

He glances aside, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. ]

Do you... want to again?

[swellter]

[ He did which is why he's a little nervous, though nowhere near as bad as Allen not that Shouto can tell. He's a fidgety one, part of his charm, whereas Shouto's is most likely his inability to read a room and bluntly state his mind. But is that charm, really? ]

I would.

[ He says quietly yet firmly; confident in his tone. In this, at least, he's not divided. He was never hesitant about what he wanted. It was always arriving at that conclusion that took him the longest but once there, the path was straightforward. ]

Do you?

[likethelight]

[ Charm, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Lucky for Shouto Allen has the patience of a saint when it comes to things like that, and finds his genuine and forthright nature charming. Even if it can cause some misunderstandings... but it's also in how quietly his eyes can light up at the simplest sorts of things, like getting Timcanpy to accept some offered plaything.

That answer stated so plainly, so certainly, gets him to suck in his breath though. Eyes widening as his chin comes up and his attention snaps backs. It isn't that it's surprising, he'd have to be incredibly dense not to realize it was something they both wanted to do again after before, but that doesn't make actually confronting it any less nerve-racking. It's still just as scary, even if there isn't any reason that it should be.

But more than that, so crushingly relieving to hear.

(Is it just because he thought that day would never come? Or that it could ever? ...Could it actually be okay? When he really can't come up with a single reason anymore about why it couldn't?)

He blinks, swallows, and composes himself. Reaches out to cover Shouto's nearest hand with his own, leaning in until their shoulders touch. ]

Aah. [ It's a little shaky, but he breathes out and it helps. He doesn't quite trust himself to look at him, so he looks down at their hands instead and squeezes gently. With affirmation.

Couldn't deny it even if he wanted to, not after before, after all. ]

I do.

[ I think I knew I wanted to for a while now, too. On some level. ]

[swellter]

[ Shaky transmits as fidgety which is sort of normal for Allen in his eyes meaning it doesn't set off any red flags. He waits, watches as he sucks in a breath - Is he tired? - and ends up sitting beside him. Their shoulders brush and Shouto keeps his eyes on him, follows that hand that so often found its way to his, and turns his hand around, palm-up, to grip his in turn.

It feels normal, being like this together. He stopped questioning it a long time ago, but what happened today wasn't normal. It leaves him feeling nervous and awkward. Makes him question his next step. Was it okay? Were there prerequisites? And that's not even considering how badly it had messed with his quirk. The lava pools were still churning inside him, restless. He hid it well, but under the surface, there was still turmoil he needed to address which is why he needed an answer. So, when it comes, delivered as simple as his own answer, it feels like he's gained new footing, not steady but it was something.

For the first time since their conversation started, Shouto looks away to gather his thoughts. He's silent for a moment, turning over that answer, and realizes he omitted something important. ]

I feel the same way about the biting.

[ He forgot to mention that in case Allen thought he was only thinking of his definition of kissing. ]

[likethelight]

[ The hand that squeezes his own in return steadies Allen like his own answer did Shouto, and he takes comfort in it. Leaning a little deeper against him and taking advantage of the quiet moment to turn things over in his head.

Ah. That's why it felt okay, didn't it? Because it just felt so normal and natural. Even earlier, in the bath -- that had felt like letting walls come crashing down to open up some new kind of version of themselves. Even if Shouto's quirk had spun out of control, and was part of the reason for Allen's nervousness because what if that meant it was too much for him. Why he'd needed to ask what it was he wanted before anything else. But... they'd been themselves. In the purest and most uncensored sort of way. And that was the key.

Nothing fake, no pretending. No needing to bury some truth about oneself in order to not hurt the other. Of course it feels okay. How could something like that ever not be okay. Not when it feels like the freedom to just... be. And his expression becomes soft and thoughtful as he realizes that, thoughts drifting as he leans against him and realizes just how... new that feeling actually is.

But he forgets all of that entirely and sputters when Shouto finally speaks up. ]

It isn't biting!! [ Flushed. ]

Those are two totally different things!

[ also that totally happens next month!!! ]

[swellter]

[ He doesn't even bat an eyelash at that colorful response. ]

Oh, I meant your kiss with teeth.

[ He corrects himself. Forgetting he was using his definition. He'll need to remember that. ]

I like that too.

[ !!! ]

1/2

[likethelight]