deercountry | ( CLOSED ) MY LONELINESS IS KILLING ME.

Yes.

( god, he wishes that he could say something else. he wishes he could tell her that he looks fine but it's not true. he swallows, shakes his head. )

He looks...different. I don't want you to see if you don't have to.

( but he knows that he can't keep her from luca. that's not fair. )

[ considering the number of times they've had the opportunity to see him, she doesn't particularly wish to pass this one up. luca is as foreign to her as nadia once was. she thinks that things can be better. she's lived through lifetimes of impossibilities only to find that so much of it was possible.

she readjusts nadia to her other hip and ignores the way her daughter doesn't even play with her hair. ]

I want to see him.

Katherine.

( he takes a breath and lowers his head because he knows she deserves to see him but he doesn't want her hurting because of what she sees. )

Are you sure?

I want to see him.

[ it bears repeating. that's her answer—she wants to see luca. is she sure? no. but she doesn't want stefan to be the only one who's seen luca again, no matter how he may look.

he may not look so bad. maybe he looks a little discoloured like he's not used to appearing from one place to another in such a way. it could be as simple as that. ]

( stefan swallows and nods. he doesn't move right away, standing there and looking at little nadia on her hip before he steps aside.

when she walks in, she'll find luca sitting on the edge of his bed, down at the end, head bowed and shoulders hunched. he's pale and looks thinner than he shoulder. his hair is matted and his lips are thin and severe. )

I'm right here.

[ she's seen plenty of horrid things in her life. her parents contorted in a way that she had never wished even on her father. but she dislikes seeing it in her kids. katherine's beginning to realise she understands her mother even more now, of how it had felt to see her family twist itself so tightly before it seemed to unravel.

she stands a little in the room, looking at a little boy who doesn't seem overly familiar despite his familiarity. this isn't how she had wished to see a young luca. she wanted to see him vibrant and alive and tugging at stefan's pant leg. ]

Do you think he knows his name?

I don't know.

( but stefan steps in front of her and then crouches in front of luca. he doesn't touch but he does his best to catch the little boy's eye. )

Luca.

( he blinks slowly, dully but doesn't respond. )

Luca, it's okay.

( nothing. )

[ she grips nadia a little tighter before realising what she's doing. loosening her grip, she looks at luca and stefan and dislikes the way there seems to be no connection. this isn't how it's meant to go. ]

Let me.

[ katherine steps closer to stefan and lowers nadia onto the side of the bed beside luca. letting her rest against him, she sits on her knees and looks at the two of them as they sit there. ]

Do you know who this is? [ she brushes her fingers against luca's knee. ] This is Nadia.

( if anything, luca slumps a little more, twisting his knee to get away from her touch. stefan swallows because he hates this, he hates seeing it and he knows it's this place's fault. )

Are they sick?

( he wants to be able to fix it. why can't he just fix whatever's wrong with them? )

It doesn't look like anything I've seen before.

[ the plague, influenza... katherine's had the luxury of immortality that kept her safe, but she hadn't been able to forget what it looked like to see the people she cared about die from something she may not have been able to prevent.

she ensures to keep her expression neutral and her voice even more so. ]

It's probably something this place has done. It's always this place.

So, what do we do?

( he knows that she won't know what to do but he hates feeling helpless and at least asking questions makes him feel like he's doing something.

it's not enough though. he sighs and rubs his face before he reaches out and rests a hand near luca's leg. )

Wake up, you two. Please.

[ as the one who has lived too many lifetimes, she wishes she had the answer. she's the one with the witch background, the one who has seen the original hybrid at his weakest and most human… and yet, she doesn't know how to fix this. katherine has a plan for mostly everything, and while some of those plans involved fleeing, many of them involved staying and meddling.

she has no idea what to do here. ]

I don't think they're asleep, Stefan.

[ she wishes that they were. ]

Maybe… [ with a purse to her lips, she considers what she wants to say. it may not be smart, but it's the only option they have. ] Maybe we can see what they might be dreaming of.

Do you think that's safe?

( he looks at both of them sitting there on the bed, lethargic and barely there. he doesn't like it. he wishes they could look like literally anything else but this. )

To go into their heads like that?

[ she wants to say yes, but katherine doesn't know. lying would make them both feel comfortable and at ease, but she knows he knows that this is unknown territory. being as upfront as possible seems to be working. that's what's stefan's taught her over the last year.

quietly, ] I don't know.

[ she really hates that she doesn't know. ]

But it's worth a try, isn't it?

Yeah.

( yeah, it's definitely worth a try. stefan doesn't have any other ideas himself so sliding into their heads is the only thing worth trying even if there's a risk.

he swallows. )

Do you want me to go with you or wait out here?

[ truthfully, katherine doesn't want to go alone. even though she's so used to it, doing things herself, having only herself to rely on, now that she has stefan, she doesn't want to do this one by herself. selfishly, she doesn't want to posture as being capable of dealing with what could or couldn't be waiting for them inside of their children's minds without someone beside her.

stefan's always been there. she wants him to be there when they do this. ]

I think we should go together.

[ she scrunches up her face to try and feign courage. she doesn't feel particularly brave. ]

Just in case.

Okay.

( this isn't something that stefan wants to do but if he's going to do it, being with katherine is probably for the best. he doesn't want her to go alone and he doesn't want to go alone.

but, he worries what he's going to see in there. he doesn't want to see something that's going to stay with him forever.

but, he nods. )

Which one first?

[ that's a hard question. she wants to help them both at the same time. what if it only works for one of them? what if they can't go back? but katherine doesn't allow that to show on her face, even though her expression pinches and her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. ]

Luca.

[ she brushes her hand gently against nadia's leg to quietly tell her she'll come back for her. she always will. ]

He's the youngest. He's probably the most scared.

[ or she is. ]

Okay. Do you want to get us in there since you're stronger?

( he would do it but he thinks she'd be able to hold them there longer than he would. )

Or can we both do it? I've never tried two people at once.

I don't know if we can do both.

[ katherine's not entirely sure if she wants to. but does she want to do one then the other? isn't ripping off the bandaid quickly better than a slow peel?

she licks her lips and closes her eyes for a moment, trying to steady herself and get centred. he has a good point. maybe it's better to do both. if stefan believes that she can do it, then she wants to lean into that. she's never manipulated the dreams of more than one person at a time before.

but something in her has changed. katherine thinks she can extend that manipulation further than any other vampire now. ]

Let's try both. [ she nods and places her hand in stefan's. ] You touch Luca. I'll touch Nadia. And don't pull your hand away from any of us.

I won't.

( swallowing, he squeezes her hand and then reaches out to press his palm to luca's cheek, covering the cool skin. he glances at her, waiting for her to touch nadia. )

I'm ready, I'm good.

( as ready as they could ever be for something that neither of them has tried, at least. )

[ katherine doesn't want to move her hand from nadia's thigh. she thinks to move and can't make her hand do so. she doesn't want to think of her daughter being present but gone. she doesn't want to think of her being in pain. but if she can somehow help her and breathe life back into her, then she'll do it—even at the detriment of herself.

after a deep breath in, she reaches for nadia's small, cold hand, and tentatively presses down against it. closing her eyes, she focuses, and reluctantly enters the minds before her to try and paint a rather fun, beautifully bright dream.

taking them back to her cottage in bulgaria, the very one she had taken nadia to reunite her with her father and grandmother, she looks around at the brightly lit house and surroundings. the sun is too bright. the air is too warm. the cottage stands tall and strong. a little ways away from her is nadia and luca, their backs to them both.

when katherine peers down, her hand is in stefan's. she can see that he's there, present in a way that nadia and luca hadn't been. their children remain with their backs turned, quiet and still a few feet away. ]

( he knows the moment that katherine takes them inside their minds. it's like a pull and then he opens his eyes and he knows where they are. this is where they seem to go for a lot of dream manipulation.

he takes a breath and blinks, focusing on nadia and luca in the distance. he doesn't like that their backs are turned. he wishes he could see them but they're not looking.

katherine's hand is in his and he looks over at her. she's there, he's there, they'd managed to get inside their minds so that's a start. )

Should we call them?

[ if this happened to be any other circumstance, katherine wouldn't be beside him waiting for him to come to. her impatience would get the better of her for the first time in her long life and she'd be with them, gently wrestling them into the ground and cuddling them on the dirt. but as the children are behaving strangely, she remains in place. ]

I don't think so.

[ she doesn't know what to do. she doesn't tear her gaze away from luca or nadia's backs. ]

I think we should go to them.

[ except she's not putting one foot in front of the other just yet. ]

Okay.

( he waits a minute before he gets himself moving, keeping a hold of her hand so she'll come along with him. his steps are slow, quiet, because he doesn't want to startle the kids. )

Come on, we're almost there.

( and then they can see if this works or if it's a lost cause for the moment. )

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