Alone

[swellter]

Who: Shouto and Allen + Dabi
What: June Event Prompt One. A few hours after THIS. 
When: June 8th.
Where: The Farther Shores a mile away from the cherry blossom tree.

“Alone”

BY EDGAR ALLAN POE

From childhood’s hour I have not been

As others were—I have not seen

As others saw—I could not bring

My passions from a common spring—

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow—I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone—

And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—

Then—in my childhood—in the dawn

Of a most stormy life—was drawn

From ev’ry depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still—

From the torrent, or the fountain—

From the red cliff of the mountain—

From the sun that ’round me roll’d

In its autumn tint of gold—

From the lightning in the sky

As it pass’d me flying by—

From the thunder, and the storm—

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view—
 

The nightmares started in April with the death of a friend.

Lying in a pool of Paleblood, clinging to the dying, the first seeds of corruption sank their teeth into his heart spreading doubt and fear. His brother's warm presence that first night kept him from spiraling to that end that forms every Beast in Trench. The next day, it was Amaterasu's guardian sapling that kept his nightmares at bay. He slept under the tranquil aura of the cherry blossom while he waited for his friend's return. For a week, it's calming influence kept his corruption levels low. Afterwards, it was Allen's kind and radiant presence in his home that maintained the sapling's work. It was only after Allen moved into Sancturary and Shouto returned to active duty with the Hunters that his levels started to rise. His omen kept strict watch on his levels waging war every time corruption started to spread, sending him back to the guardian sapling when his levels rose.

It usually happened late at night when his dreams turned against him, and he woke up in a frozen room with his heart beating frantically in his chest. He clung to Kizu those nights, burying his face into the snow leopards winter coat, finding solace in the cold. Ice crept past his sheets those mornings, covering both Sleeper and omen in a layer of frost. Yet, he managed to keep himself together. Foregoing sleep for more shifts with the Hunters until exhaustion forced him into a dreamless sleep after a few days. 

Keeping his corruption to manageble levels was easier in the presence of his friends. His deep connection with them, kept the dark thoughts from finding purchase in his mind. Maybe that's why he spent so much time with them that second month after Allen's death. Accepting their invitations more readily, joining them for dinner, walking them home, going to parties. Their presence gave him a safe heaven, a place where dark thoughts didn't press on his mind, a respite from the nightmares. So, he slept, taking naps at every turn. Somehow, he managed to keep his corruption levels from spiraling out of control up until June when the demon arrived. 

Prime for a takevoer, the demon found him in the midst of another nightmare and latched onto him the first day with Kizu nonethe wiser. It fed on him, plagued his every dream until his body couldn't keep up anymore and he stopped patrolling altogether on day five too tired to complete his rounds. Scrapes and bruises started appearing on his skin on day seven, and on day eight it sent him into a nightmare so frantic he lost control of his quirk, burning his surroundings. Terror set in then, afraid of himself unaware of his rising corruption levels. With the demon clinging to his back, his thoughts turned dark too quickly. Afraid, Shouto sought out his friends and found Allen's network post from a few weeks ago and he replied in search of a familiar face.

A hero agency.

The concept reminded him so much of home it eased some of the terror from his heart. Already feeling a little better, Shouto couldn't help but respond to ask him about his plans, offer his help. It'd give him an excuse to see him in person instead of conversing through the omini as they usually did these days, but the conversation turned sour when the Hunters were mentioned.

Dark thoughts crept into his mind so quickly, spreading like a disease. The demon was fully grown and it's influence more acute. Well fed, it was bigger than him now. The demon dug its claws into him, influencing his thoughts, turning them against him when the omen interfered but it was too late. It had grown too strong, held far too much influence and plunges him into a nightmare long before he reaches the guardian sapling.

When Allen arrives at the cherry blossom tree on the Farther shores, he'll find it empty. If he looks around, he might find a strange sight about a mile away. Upon inspection, he'll come across a glacier jutting out of the black sands, three stories high, and at it's center - at the level of the sand -  lies an unmoving figure distorted by ice. 

Shouto lies sleeping on the black sands, covered in frost, within an open space at the center of the glacier, cut off from the world. The demon clings to him, feeding readily while the carbon dioxide levels slowly increase.

Comments

[likethelight]

[ Well it only makes sense. He's cursed too.

One hand hot and the other cold, flickering lights through the red half of his hair and threads of icicles in the white, Allen's gently surprised out of even his own nerves. Marveling for a moment at that and how surreal it is in an enchanting sort of way (and wondering briefly if everything is alright? when he first rests a cold hand at his neck that makes him briefly shiver), he barely even notices the water that's now overflowing onto the floor or much of anything else. He's more focused on Shouto's face, trying to read the nuances there. You look so calm and certain, and yet...

He brings his left hand up to card lightly through the hair at the nape of his neck, soothingly as he smiles lightly at the ticklish initial brush of lips and returns it in kind, arm pressed against Shouto's back and not minding the difference in extremes as that hand is immune to temperature. Kissing him like that though--

...it isn't the first time he's been kissed, you know? Road did so without warning and it was no small one either, something he's still confused and bitter about. Or... that he was bitter about. A scorching, numbing sort of kiss like that-- it's so entirely different that the comparison is laughable and leaves that first one a burnt husk of a pale memory. Shocking too, as it catches him off-guard enough that a soft sound gets stuck in the back of his throat, some amazed little note (for a moment he thought it might hurt, somehow both hot and cold like that? but it doesn't) -- but he doesn't pull back, either.

Instead, his fingers curl a little tighter into Shouto's hair, half clinging and half pulling him closer to return a kiss that's as fierce as it is gentle.

It's like the water, you know? Reaching a tipping point. Pent up feelings that he didn't know what to do with or even how to label set neatly aside, who bled through in gentle touches and holding hands, soft smiles and dozing lightly against each other (you weren't always the only one, Shouto). Tips of the iceberg since that's how it usually is with Allen: catching a glimpse of something that runs so deep in him but that is kept in check. He wears his heart on his sleeve but the depth and turbulence of those deep feelings too often is easy to miss. I'm afraid for you, but I also believe in you. I trust you. I'm comfortable around you. I want to be with you. I look up to you. I want to hold you. When I leave, I want to return. I want to see you smile and laugh with you. I have so much I want to tell you but don't know how, except:

I'm here. We're alive. I love you.

This -- finally feels like he's able to say all that. And uncapping that finally is like water over a dam, like the water splashing over onto the floor now. Freeing, exhilarating -- and a little terrifying.

That's why he winds his arm around him like that and hugs him tight, leaning in and tipping his chin up to kiss him deeper without a second thought. ]

[swellter]

[ The kiss binds them in a dance he's never taken up before this moment. Sheer confidence pulls him through the first act before stumbling into the second. There's too much heat, too much ice, and Allen's mouth feels like a tempest razing his control. Steaming water spills over the bath on one side of them while ice floats on the other, catching on the lip of the tub before more water - rushing in from the forgotten pipe - tips it over the edge. It doesn't crash onto the ground but floats in the water below, now a foot deep, spreading on the water side of the house under the door.

Shouto doesn't notice the spread, only the steam and ice on either side of him. Trained to be aware of his surroundings so as not to hurt someone, he desperately reigns in his quirk as Allen tips the scales. He holds onto him, fingers curling over his hip, swept up in his momentum while scrambling for a speck of footing. Under the surface, his heart works overtime to diffuse both extremes. The added pressure of holding onto Allen has him grasping at the reigns of his quirk until two flames sputter to life, running across his chest in opposing diagonals. Red and white, yet neither hot nor cold to the touch. They're a perfect mix of his quirk, allowing him to hold onto Allen without hurting him.

He holds it for a minute. No more, no less. White and red flames press against Allen as he leans down to meet his mouth, opening up to meet him halfway, sliding into the third act without tripping on his own inexperience. Letting his hands slide up his side, tracing the scar up to his shoulder as he curls his fingers into his hair, tangling them in the soft strands.

His chest feels like bursting. His feelings overwhelm him. What he feels for Allen sparks a need to get closer to him, hold him. His quirk thrums under his skin with barely contained chaos threatening to sweep him under its power. The rush of new sensations spreading through him makes it impossible to breathe. Think. It feels like being exposed with nowhere to hide. Nowhere he wants to hide. Here and now, it feels like a new beginning. One he barely grasps before his control slips, and the twin fires crash into each other. Fire and ice escape their bonds, and instantly the bath starts to boil on one side and freeze on the other. Acting on instinct, Shouto moves to seize Allen out of the water to set him on the lip of the bathtub leaving him stranded in the middle of the chaos of his own creation.

Breathing erratic, he's left marooned in the middle of boiling water with steam rising to his left and freezing ice cracking against the heat to his right. His muscles tremble under the strain of self-control as he tries to calm his quirk. Failing under the pressure, he tips his head up to look at Allen in apology. ]

... sorry.

[likethelight]

[ Which of us here is the tempest, really?

Because it feels like he has to cling on for dear life or drown, his senses consumed and numbed by searing but painless fire and ice. A single tick of temperature in either direction could really hurt him like this, you know... It's a realization in the back of his head that's entirely discarded, even when the twin white and red fire blossoms between them and that's finally something to pull his attention briefly. A hesitation only for a moment before they meld to let their mouths dance together again, scorching and sweet.

It's okay. I trust you.

White fire that doesn't burn. Like Crown Clown when it forms he might realize later, when his head is clearer. But he doesn't realize that right now. Not with Shouto's hands running up his back along his scar in a way that makes his spine curve and causes him to stumble for a moment, knocked a little emotionally off balance. Too much at once; he's short-circuiting from it and drowns briefly. Winding his arms around Shouto's shoulders and, swinging one leg neatly around, brings himself to perch above him, astride without breaking lockstep. One knee tight to either side of the other's thighs because of the constraints of the heavy wet towel, but this way it feels like he can meet that tempest best-- even if he's trembling like a leaf in the wind. Hands on his face so he can tip Shouto's head back and return that same sort of passion with his own, pure and guileless. Give and take. Over and over like they have lost time to make up for.

Ah. It's like I'm going up in flames, but they don't hurt. Something he's experienced before, actually. It's a weird, heady realization. Maybe it's just because his skin's numbed to the point where he couldn't feel it if it did. Somehow he'd be okay with that.

Because... joy. What makes his chest feel like it's about to burst is such an intense and new sort of mutually shared joy. Far more overwhelming than even Shouto's fire.

Something tips too far though. Gets out of balance. Even as Shouto seizes him unceremoniously, Allen's jolting as the temperature of the water spikes and even he realizes it crossed a line. He scrambles unceremoniously to get himself fully on the ledge as he's swung clear, swinging his legs up and quickly to the side of the ice because if he has to choose freezing is definitely better than boiling. ] Wah—!

[ Which... the water is actually boiling now. He stares outright for a moment, struggling to get his own breathing under control as he blinks and tries to process that. Tries to process... everything... including the fact the ledge is wet because water is most definitely overflowing into the room as well... but just ends up staring somewhat dumbfounded at Shouto instead as his mind pulls up blank. O-oh.

The apology gets another another owlish blink from him, but kicks him into motion finally as well. He scrambles to sit up, legs folded to the side under him as he stays precariously balanced on the side favoring the ice. ]

It's okay! [ blurted! before he realizes his voice sounds too loud and, recognizing the contrite way Shouto is looking at him, gentles then. Calms himself down before he reaches out with his left hand into the tempest to touch his face and brush some of the hair from it. ]

It's... okay. I'm alright. [ Softer now, and he repeats the gesture soothingly. Carding fingers lightly through his hair and trying to help him calm down. His lips feel numb, half of him that was in the water is very overheated, half entirely numb from cold and his head feels upside down and inside out and everything is shaky but... he's okay. More than okay. ]

Are you?

1/2

[swellter]

[ Control comes far too late for someone aspiring to be a hero, but he manages to calm the raging storm and put an end to it. Soon one side stops boiling leaving only the sound of crackling ice before it falls over the lip of the bath. Shouto watches one mini iceberg get stuck on the edge of the bath with water streaming over on either side of it, and starts to recall the pipe still filling the bath when Allen touches his cheek stealing his focus once more.

It's a familiar touch, slender fingers running through his hair to calm him down, smiling down at him so sweetly; beautifully. It makes him forget everything else. The demon in his dreams, the white knight that followed him, and the fissure in his soul that shattered his omen.

I'm alright. He nods obediently, left staring at Allen with a look deep-seated in admiration, accepting his word as fact as he steps foot onto a new path laid before him. ]

I... don't know.

[ Too much happened in so little time. The fact that he lost control of his quirk is a testament to his current condition - not okay, but not bad either. He did manage to pull it back. ]

2/2

[swellter]

I'm not injured.

[ He looks to Allen in search of any injuries - just in case - as the little iceberg gets pushed off the edge and tumbles into the waiting lake below. His eyes widen then, remembering the pipe - third times the charm! - and quickly jumps across the bath to shut it off. ]

[likethelight]

[ That answer doesn't exactly do much to reassure Allen and his mouth pulls to one side as he frets a little. Too much...? Well, it kind of was. He lost his head too. Too much and not enough all at once so that his nerves are jangled and he's a little dizzy too, and not just from being overheated.

And yet... that's absolutely okay, too. Leaves him with a pleasant curling warmth in his chest, some new and strange, gentle feeling of rightness. So his expression smooths out as Shouto looks at him like that, and he continues to stroke his hair gently in response. It's okay. Then we'll just stop and take a breath until you do know.

Then Shouto's eyes widen, the ice floe splashes into what's definitely a lake behind him, and Allen nearly falls over backwards as he scrambles. Legs still aren't working right when it comes to actually using them out of water. ]

A-ah– [ Staring, horrified. He should have looked behind him sooner. ]

The rest of the house...

[ How long were they...?! ... ...why are there no drains?!?!?! ]

[swellter]

[ Shouto quickly looks over the edge of the bath to confirm what he knew in his gut the moment he realized what was going on and confirms what he feared - it was all flooded. He could see it flooded and having built the place almost from scratch he knows the doors won't hold any of the water back. That means - his gasps; realization dawning and in one smooth move jumps over the ledge of the bath and takes off sprinting to his flooded bedroom to save his treasures leaving Allen behind without a word. ]

[likethelight]

[ He's left torn between staring down at the water because what does he do??? what can he do??? start mopping with a lot of towels??? does Shouto have that many towels???, and staring after Shouto as he runs out. But which does he--? Why he is--? ]

Shouto! [ ...

Staring after him, somewhat dismayed and confused. He's sitting here in a flood without the use of his legs or dry clothes. What's he supposed to do. Ugh. ]

Come on, Tim. [ Unsteadily, he tries to get to his feet. He fails -- a couple times. Crashing over into the water with some muffled swears before he pulls himself upright more by the wall than relying on his legs to support him. Tim fretting and hovering close, pressing up against his side like he means to hold him up himself.

After a quick assessment that he 1) has nothing nearby to use as a cane, and 2) is annoyingly useless without one, reinvokes Crown Clown. The ribbons from the cloak bind and reinforcing his legs again, like a puppeteer, even if it makes him grimace to have to do so (and at the strain). He'll be damned if he sits here useless though...

Perhaps if he... opens the doors that lead outside? if the whole place is flat maybe that would let the water just drain back out...? It'd still be wet but not under water... He moves unsteadily into the main part of the house to scope that out, trying to catch sight of where Shouto went and maybe if he went to do that. The open bedroom door and movement catches his eye first though, and he peers in. A light in the dark himself from the faint glow of his cloak. ]

Shouto? [ A pause. Does he smell something burnt more strongly in here?. ]

Is there a drain somewhere, or maybe a door we can open...?

[swellter]

[ Hearing his name he manages to remember Allen in his panic and shouts a quick - I'll be back! - before disappearing through the flooded hallway. He dares not freeze it in case he does more damage than good and is forced to wade through the torrent in nothing but a bath towel, and single-minded determination.

When he arrives at his bedroom, the place is a burnt, soggy mess. Was it only hours ago that he woke up in the middle of a firestorm? Twice now, he'd lost control of his quirk in a span of a few hours. The room smells of wet ash, the freshly picked flowers from that morning adding to the scent. The melted vase that once housed them sits on a dry ledge above a ruined futon where he keeps his treasures inside a small wooden box no more than the span of his hand. He picks it up and finds a spot for it in his closet away from the mayhem. How it survived the fire is a mystery for another time. When he's done securing the box, Shouto crosses the room to return back to Allen when he shows up at the door. How did he... he spots the answer to his unspoken question in the ribbons wrapped around his legs. ]

.....

[ Did he say he'd be right back? He was only gone for only a few minutes at the most. Why would he... A frown pulls at the corner of his mouth. ]

Why are you forcing yourself to walk?

[likethelight]

[ Yes, he said he'd be right back, but did you honestly expect him to just sit there while the water kept soaking in? It's partially his fault too, he needs to help set things right -- and he's not going to do that by sitting on his ass. ]

I left my cane back on the beach somewhere. [ Said as if yes, that explains it entirely.

He tips his head slightly towards the ruined room behind him, eyes flickering between the burnt bed and Shouto in concern. The flood is pressing but this is honestly more worrisome... ]

What happened in here...?

[swellter]

That doesn't answer the question.

[ Not budging on this. Not at all. ]

[likethelight]

[ Squirms, just a little. But holds his ground, even if he does look like someone caught red-handed. ]

Neither did you. [ He wrinkles his nose. ]

I couldn't do anything if I stayed put, could I?

[swellter]

I'm not the one hurting myself right now.

[likethelight]

[ Shouto. ]

It doesn't hurt that much! [ It's not like he's going far or really exerting himself... mostly. ]

Shouldn't we try to find a way to dry things out first? [ also WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE....? ]

[swellter]

[ He’s going to ask again. ]

Why are you hurting himself?

[likethelight]

[ Uuugggghhhhhhhh.

He'd just drop his invocation to avoid the argument but then he'd collapse, so here they are. This time he reaches forward with his Innocence-gloved hand to snag Shouto's, gently but with a determined sort of squeeze. ]

Because the house is wet and I can't do anything about that sitting down. [ His tone is soft, but stubborn too. ]

Is there a door we can open that will let it drain out? [ A small tug on his hand. Conciliatory. ]

We can both try to rest after.

[swellter]

[ Even if he didn't fall on his ass, he wouldn't avoid this particular argument considering what he's been harboring over the last few months after his death. The reason why the nightmare demon was able to dig its claws into his so quickly stood before him clad in ribbons of his own making. ]

I don't need you to do anything about the water.

[ Point blank. The hand tugging him finds an immovable object. He doesn't budge, not this time. ]

I need you to look after yourself like you look after others.

[likethelight]

[ Like you look after others.

He blinks. Expression gentling as that gives him pause, and he breathes out then. A little defeated, and he repeats the gentle squeeze. ]

If I go back and stay in the bath while you find a way to drain it, will you let me help later?

[swellter]

[ He moves forward to scoop him up off his feet. ]

So long as you do it without hurting yourself.

[likethelight]

[ Honestly by this point he doesn't even bat an eyelash at that, letting himself get scooped up and just wrapping his arms around his neck. ]

I'll try. [ Gentle and genuine. He lets his invocation drop a moment later, the cloak winking out in a faint choral note and shimmering of featherlike shards of light and leaving him taking up far less of an armful than he did a moment before. Although the sudden lack of its warmth combined with being a lot more exposed and wet and in the air also means being suddenly cold. Then again half of him was still chilled from the ice water...

His arms tighten gently, unsuccessfully fighting off a shiver. ]

I'm sorry the house got flooded. [ Said a bit more quietly. ]

[swellter]

[ The shiver doesn't escape his notice and he activates his left side to chase away the chill. ]

Thank you.

[ He says and starts walking back down the hall with Allen in tow. His brows crease at the apology and he looks at him with a questioning look. ]

You don't need to apologize. You didn't do anything.

[ He was the one who turned on the pipe and the one who forgot about it. If anyone needed to apologize for the flood it was him.

He turns away from the bath and heads to the side of the house out of the river's path. The land-side where the kitchen and living stood, safe from the flooding. Shouto walks into the living room and sets Allen on the small reading nook he often used outside his futon. The one he'll be using for a while with the current condition of his bedroom, and sets Allen down on the soft cushion. ]

[likethelight]

[ Some of the tension that had been in his shoulders bleeds off at the warmth that seeps into them, ratcheting down a notch and relaxing a little. No, he didn't need to apologize even if he did feel a little guilty. It's why he lets his head drop after meeting his gaze for a moment, resting against his collar. ]

It isn't like that. [ No apology based on personal fault. ] I just know you worked really hard on everything. [ Empathy. So he'll help him try to make it whole again too, okay?

Tim, who had drifted off in the direction of the bathroom, slowly wobbles in their direction under the heavy burden of two more towels he fetched. They are very large for Timcanpy but he is managing!! If sweating a little under the strain (somehow). Allen looks up in a little surprise, taking them from the golem after Shouto sets him down. Oh. It stayed dry in here. Good.

He hands one to Shouto first. ]

What happened earlier? It looks like there was a fight in there.

[swellter]

The rooms don't matter.

[ Not to him. He worked hard for the feeling of the whole not the construction of one that would soon be replaced with age. That was the nature of traditional Japanese architecture. Nothing was meant to last and without a caretaker, it would soon fall to ruin. ]

You do.

[ He sets him down in the nook before pulling away, thanking Tim for the towel which he only uses once to dry his face. ]

There was, even if I didn't know it at the time. [ He looks at him, towel firmly grasped between his fingers. ] I burned it.

[likethelight]

[ That kind of answer catches him entirely offguard, breath still momentarily as that clicks. "The rooms don't matter. You do."

"Let's go home. Together."

He's staring for a moment as a series of things seem to suddenly click and fall into place, and rather belatedly he remembers to dry his face only when Shouto does. Using the moment to get his racing thoughts under control as he scrubs at his face half-heartedly, using the ends of the towel to rub his loose hair at least slightly drier. Even as Shouto's explanation for the room causes him to blink and raise his head in some surprise. Even if he didn't know it at the... time? Oh.

The nightmare creature.

Allen pauses, meeting his gaze even if his own flickers to how taut the towel is for a moment, before he reaches out to rest a hand over Shouto's. Giving him a very small, very gentle reaffirming squeeze. ]

Then we can both work on rebuilding it later, okay? Together.

[swellter]

[ His thoughts start to drift to the demon, remembering every decision, every mistake on his part that led up to this end. If he noticed sooner would Allen be in this state now? No. He thinks. He wouldn't. A wash of guilt comes with that realization. He accepts it as he accepts the rest of his faults and thinks not of self-reprimand but how to stop this from happening in the future. His thoughts, as usual, find a hopeful note in the bleakness of the situation. Seeing the destruction but focusing on how to repair it.

A gentle touch is all it takes to bring him back to the present. Dual-colored eyes shift down to their joined hands before lifting up to meet the grey sea, calm after the storm. Maybe that's what he finds so alluring, the calmness underneath compared to the churning lava pools and crackling ice inside him, always moving, never still.

He's silent after Allen's proposal. not simply accepting it at face value, but giving it serious thought, and ends up circling over one key issue. ]

Later?