⛧ Aʟʟᴇɴ "ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴘʀɪᴇsᴛ" Wᴀʟᴋᴇʀ ★ (
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deercountry2022-09-18 01:29 pm
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Entry tags:
All that I am
Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta
[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.
It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.
When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.
Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.
Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.
Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.
Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]
Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.
It's also too late.
Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.
They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta
[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.
It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.
When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.
Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.
Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.
Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.
Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]
Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.
It's also too late.
Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.
They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]
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Allen stares for a moment, a bit dumbfounded. You... think he's saying it's a ghost? Like, an actual ghost? Oh... While it isn't exactly wrong, that could almost be funny under different circumstances. As it is he feels a little bad, and hesitates. ]
It only ever haunts me specifically. [ He says it gently, like that's something commonplace and normal yet also troubling. ] But I don't think I'm worried as long as it doesn't exist outside this place. This memory.
[ His pale eyes are solid and bright as the moon, looking up at Shouto calmly now as he decides finally on that stance. These are ghosts of ghosts and not who I am or what's real anymore. You said it before, didn't you? What's real here.
He leans back, reaching up towards him. ]
Come here?
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Allen... are you being haunted... in your world?
[ It all starts to make sense. The reason why he was so nervous at the start. The reason for his vision. It must be important. They never triggered without a reason before. He focused so much on what Allen was doing - letting himself freeze in the snow - he lost track of everything else. Did he miss something? Was the ghost there too?
Are you... in danger?
This new change of perspective, coupled with his request, has Shouto stepping into his personal space the moment he asks, but he doesn't stop there. That hand on his shoulder pulls Allen forward the rest of the way, and he wraps an arm around him, holding him close. ]
We'll face it together.
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Allen blinks slightly at that-- moreso that "come here" became "bring me there" but he doesn't complain. Could never when he's warm, solid, and real with a heartbeat he can feel, when he's saying something like that in obvious companionship in a way that has his throat threatening to close up. He blinks rapidly for a moment, leaning into the embrace to press his mouth against Shouto's shoulder almost like he doesn't trust himself to speak, and wraps his arms around him gently in return. ]
Mm. [ His nuzzles his collar faintly, the tip of his nose cool against his skin. Thoughtfully, as his eyes hood gently while focused on nothing in particular. ] It's something like that.
[ It's relieved, and he murmurs it gently. Thank you for understanding that even if he didn't know how to say it, even if that is only a small part of it. ]
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He pulls back just enough to look at him. Touch him. Cups his face between his hands and lets his thumb run over the delicate lines of his scar. ]
Will you be okay sleeping here?
[ He asks, smoothing back the wet strands behind his ear as his eyes stray to his mouth. ]
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They're very pretty, your eyes. Striking and almost supernatural, but so gentle too. ]
I'll be fine. [ The haunting is in his head, it doesn't matter where he is, there isn't escaping something like that once it's started... if that's what happening, and he's resolved that it isn't. He also probably won't sleep much, but he isn't thinking about that right now. Instead, he brings his hands up to touch Shouto's gently. Letting his fingers rest lightly on his wrists in a quiet sort of reassurance.
Steady and calm -- or maybe doing it to find that himself. ]
There isn't any reason to be concerned about this place because of that.
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The bubble pops, and his eyes snap open as if waking from a dream. ]
Because of what?
[ Sorry. He lost track of what he was saying. ]
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Realizes he has no idea what he's talking about. ]
Oh... um-- [ Wait. He said what?
He blinks again, trying, and a lopsided smile quirks up one corner of his mouth. ]
Ehe.. I forgot. [ sheepish ]
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You too?
[ He blinks. A bit surprised but not questioning him for it. It must not have been important. He thinks while absently sliding his thumb across his cheek. ]
We should go to bed, then?
[ Distracted still, his thoughts keep straying. Probably from the long day... Probably. ]
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Isn't that weird? He shouldn't be relaxed, should in fact be so anxious, and yet he does feel so disarmed. ]
Mm. [ He tips his chin up, nuzzling his hand faintly. ]
Tomorrow we can look for answers... and I can show you around better. [ Try to explain Victorian life, more like it. ]
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[ He's not all too sure what answers they're looking for or how his vision and the haunting are linked, but it can wait for tomorrow. Gently, he lets his hand slip from his cheek and quietly takes his hand to lead him to the bed, where he tells Allen to dry himself before heading off to the bathroom. There he gathers their discarded clothes while filling up tub and tosses everything inside: shoes, belts, and whatever else they had on. As an aside, he throws in a bar of soap to let it 'soak' like he would the dishes before heading back out with plans to 'rinse' them come morning and put them through the 'dyer'. He's the dryer. Come morning, Allen will very quickly find out why Shouto pays for laundry service.
Five minutes later, he returns absent a towel (he threw that in the tub as well) and walks up to the fireplace to start up a fire with whatever is available for burning. It's easy for him, given his quirk, and soon stands back up to head to bed, taking the side Allen isn't already occupying. ]
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While he does that unbeknownst to him, Allen claims a side and is grateful for the privacy as he begins to vigorously fluff his hair dry. Aaah, maybe he really should cut it... it's getting longer and more tedious to take care of it like this. It was a lot more convenient when it dried in a matter of minutes.
He's just finished up when Shouto comes back, sitting up and waiting for him with the covers pulled up to his hips. Expectant, and-- then balking. Where is your towel. Were you raised by wolves, is that it??? Nudist colony?
Next time he looks over at Allen there sure is going to be a very forceful blanket burrito where he was. And he will stay a blanket burrito until he feels the mattress dip and is relatively sure Shouto got under... well, what covers he didn't ball up in. Only then will he poke his head out just enough to regard him with a grouchy eye, before immediately mellowing. He unwraps slightly. ]
I owe you new slippers.
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Shouto doesn't catch Allen's expression, but he does notice the way he quickly buries himself in the blanket. Are you cold? That's probably why he makes a fire in the first place. By the time he slips into bed, there's not a lot of blanket left over. He shrugs and slips under whatever scraps Allen left him. It doesn't matter to him. It's not like he gets cold... or hot.
Unlike Allen, Shouto doesn't hide under the blankets (if he had any). He's staring at the ceiling by the time he pops his head up, his thoughts elsewhere. ]
Hmm? [ He turns his head on the pillow to look at him. ] Why new slippers?
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He unwinds though, scooting a bit closer as he loosens one edge of the blanket to tug a proper amount free for Shouto and pulls it in his direction. ]
I lost them earlier when we had to run. [ You try running a kilometer in house slippers and see if they stay on your feet. Even if they hadn't, well... they probably wouldn't have survived. ]
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[ He forgoes tugging that extra blanket to him and instead sits up properly to pull it up to take a look at his - ]
How are your feet?
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THROWS THE BLANKET OVER SHOUTO'S HEAD ON REFLEX?!? PANIC?! ]
F— fine! They're fine!!!
[ He... did not bandage or treat them at all. He forgot. ]
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Can I look at them?
[ His muffled voice comes from under the layer of blankets, not quite sure if he should remove them or not. ]
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[ He's giving you such a very sulky sort of pout right now, I hope you know. Except of course he doesn't know, and Allen relents after a moment and the request, feeling a touch contrite. He pulls the blanket gently off his head, sliding his feet out from underneath the blankets. They are kept across his lap though since some of us are civilized. ]
Okay. [ He's acquiescing only because he knows that is actually important and that you asked nicely, you know. ]
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So he waits.
Nods once under the blankets at the 'okay' and waits for the covers to come off before catching a glimpse of his exposed feet at the end of the bed. He doesn't immediately move to check for injuries. Instead, he looks to Allen for confirmation. ]
Can I... check them?
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Oh. He hesitates a little at that second request though, expression softening. He shifts closer, bringing his legs up and turning to face Shouto as he reaches out to touch the side of his face very gently. Brushing some hair back from his cheek and letting his fingertips linger in a tender way that's appreciative and a little apologetic both. ]
Mm, you can. I left the kit the owner gave me on the nightstand. [ Past him had been thinking ahead at least. Probably for the best-- the bleeding has mostly stopped but the cuts were deep enough they should still be bandaged. ]
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Like now.
Allen's kind gesture settles some of his initial doubt, though he lets him take the lead, staying still until he gets the green light. Again, he nods, remaining silent as his eyes shift to the nightstand, not quite sure of his next move, and turns back to Allen for instruction before moving ahead and somehow setting him off again. ]
Can I bandage them?
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Oh. There's the guilt.
He reaches for his hand and squeezes it gently before bringing it up to his face. Softly, and he presses his lips very lightly to the inside of his wrist. ]
That's okay too. [ He lets his eyes close, leaning his cheek against his hand for a moment in apology, demeanor gentle. ]
I'm sorry, you just startled me earlier. [ he is. just uncomfy being naked okay. and because it's just... it's...
he doesn't know he's just jumpy. ]
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I startled you?
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Just a little.
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You're lucky he feels for you the way he does. He quirks an eyebrow in somewhat wry disbelief. ]
Most people find it a little startling when you try to take away the only things covering them.
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I somehow lost this tag!
you're fine! ♥
<3
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1/?? omfg
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1/2 | cw: mentions of suicide
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