All that I am

[likethelight]

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta


[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.

It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.

When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.

Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.

Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.

Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.

Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]

Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.

It's also too late.

Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.

They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]

Comments

[swellter]

[ Shouto, of course, has absolutely no idea why he was covered in blankets other than the fact that Allen sometimes acts so very odd. It's something he's tried to understand about him, but it still catches him off guard, making him hesitant in his next step, not quite sure if he should question it or accept it. He chooses the latter this time and simply ignores his odd behavior. Mainly because he knows he's not the best at reading people and is almost sure he missed something that would be obvious to someone else.

So he waits.

Nods once under the blankets at the 'okay' and waits for the covers to come off before catching a glimpse of his exposed feet at the end of the bed. He doesn't immediately move to check for injuries. Instead, he looks to Allen for confirmation. ]

Can I... check them?

[likethelight]

[ He acts odd?

Oh. He hesitates a little at that second request though, expression softening. He shifts closer, bringing his legs up and turning to face Shouto as he reaches out to touch the side of his face very gently. Brushing some hair back from his cheek and letting his fingertips linger in a tender way that's appreciative and a little apologetic both. ]

Mm, you can. I left the kit the owner gave me on the nightstand. [ Past him had been thinking ahead at least. Probably for the best-- the bleeding has mostly stopped but the cuts were deep enough they should still be bandaged. ]

[swellter]

[ A lot of people act odd in his eyes. That's why he often presumes he's the problem. It's why he so easily capitulates when he finds himself at odds with someone, and he's not sure of his position.

Like now.

Allen's kind gesture settles some of his initial doubt, though he lets him take the lead, staying still until he gets the green light. Again, he nods, remaining silent as his eyes shift to the nightstand, not quite sure of his next move, and turns back to Allen for instruction before moving ahead and somehow setting him off again. ]

Can I bandage them?

[likethelight]

[ When has he ever asked Allen for permission quite so much before? It's enough to make him pause and really take notice recalling his rare tentative manner earlier too. "Can I... wash your hair?" The slightly betrayed look when realized Allen had retaliated against being dumped in the bath, and how very quiet and still he had been just now when he threw the blanket over him.

Oh. There's the guilt.

He reaches for his hand and squeezes it gently before bringing it up to his face. Softly, and he presses his lips very lightly to the inside of his wrist. ]

That's okay too. [ He lets his eyes close, leaning his cheek against his hand for a moment in apology, demeanor gentle. ]

I'm sorry, you just startled me earlier. [ he is. just uncomfy being naked okay. and because it's just... it's...

he doesn't know he's just jumpy. ]

[swellter]

[ The soft press of lips against his skin quickens his pulse, and he warms under his touch. His eyes soften subtly, not quite sure of the change that's happened but embracing it nonetheless. ]

I startled you?

[likethelight]

Ehe... [ He looks sheepish. Maybe just a touch pink, but light-hearted. Smiling bright. ]

Just a little.

[swellter]

How?

[likethelight]

[ are you really going to make him spell it out?

You're lucky he feels for you the way he does. He quirks an eyebrow in somewhat wry disbelief. ]

Most people find it a little startling when you try to take away the only things covering them.

[swellter]

[ If your scribbles were more clear, then he wouldn't need to spell it out. ]

When did that happen?

[likethelight]

[ Don't you bring his terrible handwriting into this. ]

"When"?

[swellter]

[ He's grown neutral, no longer emitting any heat. ]

When I tried to take away your coverings.

[likethelight]

[ o h... ]

The blanket, a moment ago... [ you know. when he threw it back at you in response? ]

Since it... isn't like we have nightclothes, you know?

[ please end his misery ]

[swellter]

[ He grows quiet, digesting that in his own manner.

This time there's no subtle shift in expression, only a straightforward apology. ]

I'm sorry for startling you.

I won't do that again.

[likethelight]

[ He purses his lips for a moment slightly at that, brows knitting lightly, before he lets out a small breath and reaches for his hand again. Leans forward into his space with a serious, but gentle expression.

This is important. ]

You don't have to be so serious about it. [ It's a very soft, barely a chide. ] Or say you won't again.

I know you didn't mean anything badly by it. I didn't even say I minded... Just that I was sorry I was a little startled.

[ Is he speaking plainly enough this time? Because he is trying, with almost oddly calm and quiet eyes. But earnestly. ]

If it's you, then it's okay.

[swellter]

[ He pulls his hand back out of his grasp. ]

I don't think it's okay.

[likethelight]

[ A blink, slightly taken aback by that. He straightens lightly. ]

What do you mean?

[swellter]

For me to startle you without knowing.

[ He looks at him. ]

Or for you to apologize for being startled.

[likethelight]

[ He doesn't answer right away, at a bit of a loss at that. Why are you taking this so seriously? It wasn't that big of a deal at all, which means... it also isn't really about that. There's some deeper reason. Something that feels like he's close to understanding, that he's seen pieces of, but can't quite put together. ]

Don't you think I get a say in how I feel about it too? [ He says it more softly, more like a reminder than being contrary, and hesitates then. ]

Why is this so important to you?

[swellter]

You are telling me.

[ Right now. ]

So, am I.

[likethelight]

[ And you're so walled off you're being borderline hostile. And didn't answer his question.

He hesitates, a little taken aback, but moves then. Slowly, but purposefully. Doesn't care about blankets or lack of blankets or stupid unimportant things like that and slides his knee across the mattress to sit kneeling lightly in front of Shouto. His expression so very quiet. ]

Then really tell me...

[ With slow and purposeful movements, he brings his hands up to cup his face gently. Very lightly and like someone handling a wild animal, and to encourage him to look at him like that. ]

...why are you afraid of startling me?

[swellter]

[ He pulls his head back, out of reach. ]

I didn't even know I scared you.

[likethelight]

[ He looks momentarily crestfallen that he pulls back, but doesn't try again. But he blinks at that; stares. ]

You didn't scare me. [ Don't put words in his mouth. ] Not at all.

That's not the same thing at all.

[swellter]

Startled you.

[ He recants, though it doesn't change the way he feels. ]

[likethelight]

[ You answered so quickly, do you actually understand the difference though? But he doesn't press it, just sits back and presses his lips lightly together, gripping his knees a bit tighter than he needs to. It's not this, it's something else. You're so frustrating to try and figure out when you're like this, but... ]

And... what do you think would happen because of that?

[swellter]

I made you uneasy.

[ That's why he threw the blankets over him. Why earlier he dumped him in the water. ]