If you get a feeling next time you see me, do me a favor and let me know - SEMI-CLOSED

[chickenchoicejudy]

Who: Ryan Akagi [chickenchoicejudy] and Close CR, with open prompts to be added when the event goes live.
What: Ryan is having a pretty hard time with the paleblood effects this month. Body of the post is a general summary of where he's at, and starters will be in comments.
When: All of March
Where: Various locations - likely haunts are Cellar Door, Crenshaw (specifically Mouse House or Min-Gi's place), and the boardwalk. Event locations to be added later!

Content Warnings: Severe hallucinations, severe face blindness, corruption, unintentional self harm (scratching).



It started mild enough - with mushrooms of all things. Nothing to actually worry anyone about.

At first he hadn't even realized they weren't real. There's plant life growing in abundance all over Trench and it made perfect sense for mushrooms to be one of those things. It wouldn't have even been the first time mysterious mushrooms popped up out of nowhere. Ryan leaves them be and barely thinks about it.

Then they start growing out of people. That's when it becomes apparent that...no one else can see them. He's moved to gently tug them off of people only to realize he can't grip them. His hand slips through and they vanish.

And that's...concerning. But it could be worse?

And about a week into the month, it absolutely gets worse. He starts having trouble recognizing people. People he's known for ages now catch him in the street and he can't make his brain put together the shapes of their faces into something he recognizes. Mushrooms obscure other features that might make identifying them easier - hair, clothing, frequently worn accessories. Any time he starts to focus on something, mushrooms start to sprout and block his view.

He makes excuses. He spends more time on the network because he craves interaction but it's less stressful that way. He texts people more frequently, even when he would normally see them in person. Even if they're literally nearby he might text them, just to make sure. Just to watch a faceless someone react when their Omni dings.

Sometimes he catches himself in the mirror and doesn't recognize who looks back at him, which is a problem he's never had before. He doesn't want to talk about it, because it feels absolutely insane to try and explain it to anyone, but also because he's lost any and all ability to recognize people by that point. Who would he even tell? But, it's also become impossible to hide. Not when there's no recognition in his eyes when someone says hello to him. Not when he texts someone several times to ask where they are, including when he's standing right next to them.

He's in a sea of strangers, and it's disorienting. It's even a little scary, particularly in public. He's losing his grip and it's slipping further and further from him, but maybe if he like, tried harder? This is a stupid problem he's having. A stupid dumb problem that he should be able to just...get over and walk off.

The mushrooms even grow on him sometimes. At his worst, small fluorescent green ones will sprout out of his right palm in the shape of a 202 and he'll scratch at it desperately, leaving harsh red marks behind. Even places will start to look unfamiliar, as the confusion only gets worse and worse as the month goes on.

[ooc: Top Levels coming soon, open top levels coming when the event goes live. Hit me up at goodhotcocoa if you want something in particular!]

Comments

[dialscientist]

[Ryan and Min-Gi know each other's face better than they know their own. Every lash, every curve, every shade of brown in the other's eyes. Mushrooms or not, how could they ever lose that.

Min-Gi's crown is smaller today, just a few amethyst deceivers and little mycena interruptas. They pepper their way through his hair and from his shoulders and jacket pockets in meaningless, swirling rings. He's been checking in with Ryan about it a lot but asking too much will make it A Thing (concern vs being overbearing) and he doesn't want a fight.

Being out like this is already a little overwhelming. The streets are crowded as people emerge from the long bone months and their auras make the empty gaps between them nonexistent. He's hyper aware of every space he moves through and does his best to side step but it's impossible as they move through Crenshaw into Cellar Door.]

It's so busy out, this is whack.

[As awkward as he can be about Ryan touching him in public, he can kinda see the use case, and offers his elbow when prompted to link arms. It's not a romantic thing, this is a traveling safely when their eyes can't be trusted thing.]

Should we even be going anywhere?

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Min's been asking him about it, but Ryan hasn't felt like there's been a lot to report. Sometimes he'll trace out the pattern on Min with his fingers just to illustrate it, but clams up when it's pointed out that it seems like there are more of them.

There are definitely more. But, it's not like he can do anything about that.

Ryan scoffs at the suggestion, but he gladly takes Min's arm, happy to have that touch to ground him even a little. It only makes his nervousness more apparent though, amplified through his touch by his powers.]

Pfft. What, and just stop living our lives because I'm seeing mushrooms everywhere and you're seeing auras? We have a show in a couple days, and hallucinating things is totally not going to keep us off the stage.

[Famous last words.

He risks a glance toward Min, daring himself to look at his face. Ryan's aura is still mostly a warm red, but patches here and there are a murky green-brown. More of those patches have appeared on Ryan since Min started to see them.]

...Seriously though, are you okay? We don't have to practice there if it's too much right now. But it definitely won't be as crowded as the street either.

[Somehow it feels easier to offer that to Min than to ask for it himself. If he was alone he would force himself along, but now he has someone else's well being to think of.]

[dialscientist]

[It's an out he might need to take, but not just yet. There's a great deal going on here and they could only get limited information from the archives. The steward had said for them to err on the side of caution and not mess with The Moss King too much, but what does that mean when The Moss King doesn't mean anything to you.

He looks down to meet Ryan's glance, brow furrowed.

The gut instinct is to kneejerk that he's fine and just fake his way through it.

Old habits are hard to break.]

I'm okay.

[He stops to adjust the weight of his keyboard case and searches his boyfriend's eyes for a long moment. For a flash he swears Ryan's eyes have taken on the greenish brown that's beginning to eat his aura. And maybe likewise, for a split second, Min-Gi is gone. Or shattered. Or fragmented. For a second he's just Some Guy. But then he wets his lips and that ghost swoops away. He speaks and it's clear again.]

If it gets worse would you be mad?

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Ryan's heart drops.

It's only for a second, but Min's face is obscured. The mushrooms in his crown move down and spread to his face and cluster and--

--and then it's gone. Honestly, it's the fact that it's gone that makes Ryan think it might not be part of the hallucinations. The mushrooms elsewhere have stuck around, even when he knows they aren't real, but...maybe this time he really is just seeing things. Psyching himself out.

With his free hand, he palms his eye under his glasses. It's nothing. He's good.

(another murky patch blooms in his aura, one that wasn't there before - on the left side of his face, near his glasses.)]

...Why would I be mad?

[Wait. That doesn't really answer the question.]

I wouldn't. Really. If it gets worse, then...then it gets worse. It's not something either of us can really help.

[dialscientist]

I just don’t like being out of control like that.

[Which might be a little candid for his comfort but it’s Ryan and this is serious. The patch of sickness blooming to the side of Ryan’s eye catches Min-Gi’s attention immediately.

Without thinking, he untangles their arms and raises his hand to cup the other’s cheek - attention laser focused. It’s an odd gesture in the moment without seeing what he does. Intimate out there in the street, very unlike him.

But that isn’t what he’s thinking about, he’s looking at the bruise against Ryan’s aura. Particles hovering in the nothing and everything of his energy. Boundless and exposed.]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[He wants to challenge that with something coy, lean in and flirt with a whisper and make things a little less serious for just a second. Maybe something like "Getting out of control can be fun though~"

But, he doesn't get the opportunity. Min cups his cheek, but it isn't a romantic gesture in the middle of the street. There's concern under Min's fingertips that Ryan can't possibly ignore with his powers, burning hot. He's under scrutiny.]

...Min-Gi? What's wrong?

[Because something is definitely, definitely wrong. There's no point in pretending he can't tell. He looks at Min with wide eyes, doing his best to ignore the ever-spreading mushrooms.]

[dialscientist]

[The answer is Everything, but how do you say that to the person getting worse. How do you say you can see there’s something wrong and that it’s spreading. That they’re sick. That despite best efforts to learn, they still don’t know anything and so he can do nothing to help. It’s frustrating.

Does he turn it around and say he’s the one feeling sick? He just said he’s fine.

Ryan knows something is wrong, would he know if Min-Gi was lying? Would his powers?

There’s conflict on his face in amongst the worry, concern, and fear.

For a second he looks as though he were going to say something, but the words fail to fly and he exhales instead, taking back his hand. They need to get out of the street, sooner rather than later. Maybe travel by lantern for the foreseeable future. He hasn’t felt right just walking around since he lived through Ryan’s experience with the Zealots.]

Let’s just get to the club.

[chickenchoicejudy]

[There's something wrong. There's something really wrong, but Min lets the subject slip and drop. Ryan could pursue it, and push for Min to tell him what he saw. There's no denying that he saw something. The lack of a real answer is answer enough.

But...in the moment, he doesn't have the nerve. Min's made it clear he doesn't want to talk about it. So they won't.

Min will be able to pin point the exact moment Ryan gives up on challenging him on it, because that bruise on his aura starts to fleck and spread along his cheek, where Min had just been touching him.]

...Yeah. Okay. Sure.

[Without asking, Ryan guides them toward a nearby storefront. They don't always need to be reading each other's emotions or thoughts to be in sync. Sometimes they can just read each other, and Ryan's read is that they should probably take the lanterns the rest of the way.

When they get to the lantern, Ryan steels himself. He turns.

There's a stranger beside him, their face obscured by mushrooms. There are small cues - the keyboard on the guy's back, the fact that they're wearing Min's clothes - but Ryan feels sick.

Still, he forces a smile and forces himself to trust. He offers the stranger his hand.]

(A few days later still--)

[dialscientist]

[That day at rehearsal had been pretty terrible, if we're being honest. Min-Gi regrets letting the subject drop to knuckle through and not make Ryan feel even more put on the spot. He knows how much he just loves being the one something is wrong with.

Really, it just felt too much like those early weeks on the train and he doesn't have the energy to work back from that again.

They might end up having to do it, anyway. Trench is stressful. There has been regression, and not on Ryan's part. If Min woke up tomorrow with a number on his hand he wouldn't even be that surprised.

Anyway- rehearsal. It was awful. They were both totally distracted the entire time and while they got a little work done it just felt wrong for so many reasons. Min could barely keep his head in the music, watching Ryan out of the corner of his eye the whole time, tracking the spots in his aura that spread like rot on an apple.

It's still getting worse. And Min-Gi is getting very worried. They're supposed to have a show tonight but as they fart around his house getting ready all he can do is watch Ryan and overthink. Some moments it's like he's a stranger.]

You know..

[Piping up as he appears in the doorway to the living room.]

Ryan, we don't have to play tonight. Wu would understand.

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Every rehearsal this week has been like that. They've both been distracted, but Ryan hasn't wanted to stop. He's insisted on coming over regularly for it, because even if Min isn't feeling up to being out in public (and it is Min, it's not him because he's fine and no one will tell him otherwise) he still wants to rehearse.

Sometimes...it's okay. Ryan recognizes Min's music easily. There are moments he gets a particularly good riff going and the red really shines in his aura.

But there are other moments where one of them gets up and when they're reunited, Ryan looks deeply unsettled. There's a blip of static in Ryan's thoughts, a flare of murky green-brown around him, and when it settles he waves it off as nothing. Makes a bad joke, tries to lighten things.

Despite the fact that they agreed to get ready together, Ryan surprisingly came over ready to go. He was also a little later than expected, but that plan backfired on him entirely, so he's been waiting on the couch fiddling with his guitar. Did he really need to restring his guitar right this second? No, not really. It would have been fine for a few more weeks at least, but it's something to do with his hands, to nervously fiddle with.

And god is he nervous. He's losing his grip and he's well aware, but he's desperate to try and hold on.

Ryan looks up at his name, but there's something missing in his gaze when he does.

There's...someone he sincerely doesn't recognize in the doorway, in clothes he's never seen before. Without a face to combine with it, they don't ring as Min. Isn't it too soon for that to be Min? How long has Min been gone?

He isn't quick enough this time to censor his thoughts.

"...Who is that?"

It's followed by a flurry of self deprecating thoughts though, and a look crosses his face as he tries to process it all.

"Wait--"
"--'we'. Min-Gi."
"Oh my god that's obviously--"
"--what the fuck is wrong with me?!"
"That's Min, that's obviously Min, he was getting changed, what the fuck I knew that already I was out here waiting for him to change why would that be someone else what the fuck what the fuck whatthefuck--"

He secures the last string, and stares for a long moment at the neck of the guitar. Takes a deep, steadying breath, and looks back at...Min-Gi. The person who must, logically, be Min-Gi, even though their face is obscured by mushrooms.]

...Whaaaat? Of course we're gonna play. Why wouldn't we?

[A challenge. Are you going to say what's gone unspoken all week, Min?]

[dialscientist]

[He should. He should have said it then and he should say it now.

They shouldn't play.

They shouldn't, and he still got dressed.

They shouldn't and he prepped his keyboard and confirmed with Ryan.

They shouldn't and... and he still hasn't come clean. And he wouldn't have until it was way too late, but coming in and getting jabbed in the throat by Ryan's internal panic attack is the knife under the lid that finally pries out the pressure seal. It hurts- it hurts, it hurts, it hurts- That blank look, that- Is that fear? No, no, he knows it's him, right? He put it together?

This is getting out of control, but saying the truth, making it about Ryan, that's going to go down like a lead balloon.

All balloons have to come down eventually, he supposes and takes a breath, hands up in defense. He means no harm.]

Because I changed my shirt and you didn't know who I was, man.

[Why does that feel like acid in his throat. Be brave.]

This thing, this mushroom thing? It's getting worse and worse and we still don't know how to fix it and The Moss King isn't doing anything to help. How are we supposed to play when we're this.. kneecapped? We have to be realistic, here. Would you rather force it and be awful? Or quit while we're ahead and not embarrass ourselves?

[chickenchoicejudy]

[His eyes go wide, stunned to be called out so precisely. But it doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened, and his face burns with shame. Can't any of his thoughts just stay private like they're supposed to?

There's no point in arguing whether or not he recognized Min. He would just get caught in a lie, since Min already knows what was in his head. But that doesn't mean he isn't going to argue. His face hardens into a glare.]

Don't you mean when I'm this kneecapped? [He huffs out a single, dark, humorless laugh.] Or that I'm going to embarrass you?

[Min's seeing things too, but not nearly to the same caliber. He's seeing auras, and it isn't destroying his ability to interact with the world around him. This isn't about them, it's about him and how he's going to ruin the show.]

I'm not canceling. I can just-- I don't know, I'll fake like I'm still normal. No one will care. They probably won't even notice. I'll just play guitar and it'll be like none of this is even happening. Seeing things doesn't suddenly mean I can't do the one thing I'm good at, Min!

[The murky green-brown parts of his aura flare, threatening to overtake more of the red with each passing second.]

[dialscientist]

[Now, a wise man would step back and try to diffuse this. He would take a breath and sympathize and work back from Ryan's fears to support him through what is an extremely scary thing to be going through.

And in Min-Gi's head that's what he's doing. But it sure doesn't come out that way when he takes a step forward and gestures to himself.]

Ryan, listen to yourself! We've sucked all week and we shouldn't play if we aren't at our best! Can you even see me right now? Be honest, can you actually even see me or am I a giant talking mushroom?

[Then he gestures to Ryan. Not accusatory, per se, but it's definitely a wide palming motion.]

Because I can see it getting worse. I can see it! Just admit that you're sick and let me help you!

[chickenchoicejudy]

[He's pointedly refusing to look directly at Min now. Fuck you, he's not answering that question and you can't make him.]

It sounds stupid when you put it like that...

[It's more like large clusters of smaller ones, covering the faces of everyone in the city and blurring them.]

I'm not sick. It's just my blood doing something dumb. I can walk it off. It'll go away. And besides even if I was sick, as long as my voice and my hands work I can still play!

[Obviously the only reason Min can see it is that Ryan hasn't been trying hard enough to hide it. Ugh, he's just making Min worry for no good reason at all.]

[dialscientist]

[God this is so frustrating! Min-Gi growls and pinches the bridge of his nose.

Like, yes, objectively Ryan is correct but-]

Dude, just because you can doesn't mean you should. I really don't think this is something you can just walk off, I've been watching you try all week and your aura is only getting worse.

[chickenchoicejudy]

[That...slows down the anger just a little, but it shifts into suspicion. He looks at the back of his hand as though he'll be able to see an aura for himself.

(He looks for perhaps a second too long, and then makes himself look away.]

...What do you mean "getting worse"?

[dialscientist]

I.. hhngh..

[How is he supposed to explain it? C'mon, Min-Gi. Use your words.]

Okay, so you're aura is red. It's this bright, shining thing all around you...

But [and there is a but] there's also been these little patches growing over it. Kinda brown and green? I'd show you if I knew how. I know it sounds like I'm being mean, but I can really see this thing taking over you.

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Ryan could probably figure it out, if he tried. He could probably hold Min's hand and figure out some way to view that thought. He could, but. He won't. It isn't a matter of believing or not believing. He just...doesn't want to see it. He doesn't want that definite answer.]

So I'm...what, growing mold?

[As soon as he says it though, it makes sense to him. He's growing soul mold so he's seeing mushrooms growing on everyone else.]

Have all the palebloods in town just been moldy? Why didn't you say anything?!

[dialscientist]

No, no- well??? I- don't know. I don't think so? I haven't spent much time with any other palebloods!

[Soul mold wasn't really what he was trying to allude to, but also, like, Ryan isn't wrong.]

I'm not paying attention to anyone else, I've just been paying attention to you and I'm telling you what I can see. That's how I know it's getting worse.

[chickenchoicejudy]

[It's not an answer, but an answer won't actually change anything. Min should have told him, he absolutely should have, but it doesn't change what's happening now.

And what's happening now is that he feels nauseous. His thoughts are racing again, but this time he tries to muffle them so Min can't hear. He tangles his fingers in his hair near his temple and screws his eyes shut and tries to focus:

è̢̕w̧̛͝͡͡ ̶̛̛́͠
̶͢͝ẁ͟҉͝a̵̧͝ś̵͘͠ ̷̧͜m͞͠y̵̡̛͢ ̡͘s̢̢͝ó͝͞҉u̸͘͠҉l̨͡ ̷̧̧a̶͡͠͝l͞ẁ̸̴̀̕a̶̵͜y̶̨̕͡s҉̶̨̕͝ ̴̨g̛̀͝r̶̛̀͜o̷̸͡ẁ̢͟į͟҉n̕g̨͡ ̴̷̀͠͞m̸͜͢ơ̢͞ĺ̸͞͏d̨̢̢͝?̢̡́͢
̕҉̀m͘a̸͞͠y̶̨b̨̢e̢͜͞ ͜͜i͘͜͡t̸̶͡ ̶͏̡͏ẃ̢a̧̛͘ś̶ ̷̡a͟͞l̷͘̕w͏̵͟͡á̶͘y̶̴̕͏͢ś̸̸̕͟ ̨́̕t̵͢h̶̴e̵̡r̀͏̧́e͡
͏į̸̛͟t̕͏̵́͝ ҉̵͏͘ẃ̶͟͡ơ̸̷̢͝u̸͘l͏̧͞͏d̶̨̧ ̵͠͡è̴͟͟͞x̷̛̀͘͢p҉̧̢́͞l̛͘a̸̶͝҉i̡҉́͟ń̴̴͜͢-̨͟͠-͟҉
҉̢-̢͟͞-̴̴̡͢'̴̢̕͝͞m̴̨ ͏̵͟͢s̨͡i̢͞c̀́͞k̸̴̛͘͞?̵̵
̢͜͜w̵̨̕̕͞ì̶̸l̷̢͜l͢͝ ̵̨̀͜I̴̕-̀̀-҉̵͢͟͠
̡͢͜͠͞i̴͟͢f̶̨̀͢͟ ̧̀͝i͜͝͠t̸̵͘'̸́s̷̡̕͟͠ ̵̴̵̛́n͏͞͡o̕͞t͏̸̕͡ ̨̡́̕͝j̶̸̢̀͟u̶̵ş̶́͠͠t̷͡͏ ̀͏̵m̷͢ý̸̸͟ ̵̧͟b̧̢͟ļ̧ò͞o͟͏̀͜͝d̡̧̕͝,̡҉̶́ ͏̸̛͏ţ̷́͡h́͠é̸̕͡n̡͏
̀́̀́t͏͢h̵̴̴̛͠e̶͜͏̶ǹ̴̢̨͡


t̝̬͔̭̲̓͊̔ͨ́ͬͭ̕h̶̼̱͈ͤ̔̈́̽́̋̒͢͠ë̷̯͍̦̳̯́̌͒̔ͣͫ̄̆͡n̛̹͓͇̺͚͇̣͛̌̎͐̇̒͑-̝̮͈ͫ̈́ͤ̅͌̃͘͡͠-̖͚͇̼̟͍̰͉̂̿ͯ̔ͩ͆̂̚


When he opens his eyes, there's something deeply unnatural in them and they give off a faint glow as the green-brown soul mold spreads. Then he blinks and it's gone, but the bruises on his aura are still there. ]

I--

[What should he even say at this point?]

...Sorry.

[It's reluctant and resigned, but it's there. Min's just trying to help and Ryan is being a jackass and making everything worse.]

[dialscientist]

[The static that shoots through Ryan's head is sudden and startling, but not as startling as the physical reflection of it in his eyes.

No, not reflection. They're like screens, pixelated and fragmented, and it's terrifying.

Wide eyed, Min-Gi's heart clenches as tight as his lungs freeze. The residual burst static is still in Min's head, pieces of words like an out of tune radio swinging through frequencies. A taunting, hissing tune of Always there. Sick.

No, no, no no no no, that isn't what he meant!

Wait, what did Ryan say? He didn't hear. What did that mean? What just happened?? That rot is still spreading, is it his fault? Is he doing this to Ryan? This is why he didn't want to say anything!]

Ryan-

[It's a wheeze, thin and desperate and...

...and afraid.]

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Ryan rubs at his eyes under his glasses, as if there's a residual itch left behind from the static, and looks to Min...whose face is still obscured by mushrooms. It hits him that not only can he not see that it's Min, but he can't see the expression on his face. There's fear, he can feel fear but he doesn't know if it's his own or Min's or if Min is afraid of him.

Could be ç̷̀ơ̷̢͡n̵̕͘͘͞t͏̴̶a͝͏͘͟g̸̸̛̀i̶̧̧̕ó̶̷̢͜u̶̕s̷͢͞, after all.

His guitar is forgotten on the couch next to him, and he pulls his legs up so he can curl in on himself.]

...Say something?

[It's a small, tired plea that comes with a heavy sigh.]

I. I can't, you know-- [And he gestures in a circle in front of his own face, unable to make more descriptive words happen.] So. ...Say something.

[dialscientist]

[A small beat. He's struggling to snap back. Thankfully, his words summon themselves before his mind.]

I'm here.

[Breathe. In. Out. Then he moves, carefully approaching the sofa like Ryan might spook any second and lash out. Like he's a cornered, wild horse or something.

Carefully, carefully, he crouches down and rests his hands on Ryan's socked toes. ]

I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Just close your eyes and listen, okay? Can you hear me? You recognize my voice?

[chickenchoicejudy]

[Ryan tenses at first - he's not entirely sure if he wants to be touched, to expose himself even more, but...things are already pretty terrible. How much worse can Ryan actually make them.

He takes a deep breath in and out, the same way Min did, and he closes his eyes. He lets himself ease on exhale, just a little, and he nods. Letting himself be soothed by this brings a different inner tension though, and when Ryan speaks his voice wavers.]

Y-Yeah. Yeah. ...I'd know it anywhere.

[Would he though? He thought he'd know Min's face anywhere too and now it's covered in mushrooms.

That train of thought in a dangerous one though and he breathes again. In...and out.]

[dialscientist]

[Don't go that way. Don't let it drag you under. His voice can't be covered in mushrooms. And this is just a little touch with fabric between them. If Ryan pulls away after all then Min-Gi will respect it. He forgets, in moments like these, what touch means to them now. What it comes with, what a double edged sword it is.

And yet, here he is still touching without considering what might come smashing into him as a result. It's Ryan, how could put that kind of barrier between them?

The warble in Ryan's voice pulls a lump into Min-Gi's own throat. It's hard to swallow around but he persists. Heart aching, face (though hidden) pinched in worry he can't begin to articulate.]

Okay. Okay, that's good. You just- just keep your eyes closed and breathe and we'll sit right here, okay? As long as it takes.