deercountry | If you get a feeling next time you see me, do me a favor and let me know

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ryan akagi: billie sue

If you get a feeling next time you see me, do me a favor and let me know - SEMI-CLOSED

Who: Ryan Akagi [

chickenchoicejudy] and Close CR, with open prompts to be added when the event goes live.
What: Ryan is having a pretty hard time with the paleblood effects this month. Body of the post is a general summary of where he's at, and starters will be in comments.
When: All of March
Where: Various locations - likely haunts are Cellar Door, Crenshaw (specifically Mouse House or Min-Gi's place), and the boardwalk. Event locations to be added later!

Content Warnings: Severe hallucinations, severe face blindness, corruption, unintentional self harm (scratching).

It started mild enough - with mushrooms of all things. Nothing to actually worry anyone about.

At first he hadn't even realized they weren't real. There's plant life growing in abundance all over Trench and it made perfect sense for mushrooms to be one of those things. It wouldn't have even been the first time mysterious mushrooms popped up out of nowhere. Ryan leaves them be and barely thinks about it.

Then they start growing out of people. That's when it becomes apparent that...no one else can see them. He's moved to gently tug them off of people only to realize he can't grip them. His hand slips through and they vanish.

And that's...concerning. But it could be worse?

And about a week into the month, it absolutely gets worse. He starts having trouble recognizing people. People he's known for ages now catch him in the street and he can't make his brain put together the shapes of their faces into something he recognizes. Mushrooms obscure other features that might make identifying them easier - hair, clothing, frequently worn accessories. Any time he starts to focus on something, mushrooms start to sprout and block his view.

He makes excuses. He spends more time on the network because he craves interaction but it's less stressful that way. He texts people more frequently, even when he would normally see them in person. Even if they're literally nearby he might text them, just to make sure. Just to watch a faceless someone react when their Omni dings.

Sometimes he catches himself in the mirror and doesn't recognize who looks back at him, which is a problem he's never had before. He doesn't want to talk about it, because it feels absolutely insane to try and explain it to anyone, but also because he's lost any and all ability to recognize people by that point. Who would he even tell? But, it's also become impossible to hide. Not when there's no recognition in his eyes when someone says hello to him. Not when he texts someone several times to ask where they are, including when he's standing right next to them.

He's in a sea of strangers, and it's disorienting. It's even a little scary, particularly in public. He's losing his grip and it's slipping further and further from him, but maybe if he like, tried harder? This is a stupid problem he's having. A stupid dumb problem that he should be able to just...get over and walk off.

The mushrooms even grow on him sometimes. At his worst, small fluorescent green ones will sprout out of his right palm in the shape of a 202 and he'll scratch at it desperately, leaving harsh red marks behind. Even places will start to look unfamiliar, as the confusion only gets worse and worse as the month goes on.

[ooc: Top Levels coming soon, open top levels coming when the event goes live. Hit me up at

goodhotcocoa if you want something in particular!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Maybe a little dramatic, but not any more dramatic than what Ryan's been seeing. Knowing that Min is going through something similar kind of helps though. It makes it less scary to try and open up about if he isn't going to be dismissed as a lunatic.]

Maybe...[Ryan sighs, and sets down the trowel.] I guess I must be too? I can still see those weird little mushrooms, but uh. They started growing on you...?

[Ugh. He wants to dismiss himself as a lunatic.]

So...what does it look like for you? The coating, I mean.

[Min-Gi's hands go right back to his hair, but he doesn't feel anything.

And of course he doesn't, Ryan just said he's seeing things-

Ryan is seeing things. Right. Everything about the last half a hour makes a lot more sense now.

His stomach sinks a little bit further.]

Uhh, it's like. I dunno, so the vines have this like, white glow? It's kind of like how when you're in the moonlight?

Like...some kind of aura?

[That seems like it would be more of a paleblood thing though, or at least Ryan thinks it would be. He's not exactly an arcane scholar though, so he could be way off base. But if it was glowing blood he'd be able to see it too and the plants probably wouldn't have anything.

He doesn't know how to describe his own experience beyond "I'm hallucinating". But...it occurs to him that maybe he doesn't have to? He holds his hand in front of him, fingers splayed.]

Let me see your hand? It won't be as intense as last time, I promise.

[If Min consents, Ryan will lace their fingers together and show Min a memory from literally just a few minutes ago, from his own perspective - blue mushrooms dotting otherwise empty spots on the door, swaying away from Ryan's touch. Min talking about-- something, admittedly that part is warbled and forgotten, but Ryan's focus in that moment was on a crown of mushrooms growing in on Min's head, making him look like some sort forest prince.

Ryan's right that it isn't the same gut punch of emotions from the last time he shared memories with Min, but there is one that stands out strongly - worry. Worry that he's going insane. Worry that he's worrying Min. Worry about a number of things.]

[Aura. That's the word. Min doesn't know much about that kind of stuff and yeah, it does feel like it would be a paleblood thing. But you know something, Min-Gi has yet to see hide or hair of his supposed darkblood powers and besides the glittery blood? Everything he's experienced has aligned with Ryan. It's weird. It's very weird.

He nods and gives his hand, submitting to the wave of motion and memory he knows is coming. It's bizarre to see himself through Ryan's eyes, especially covered in mushrooms that are absolutely not really there.

Mushrooms everywhere, dancing away from Ryan's fingertips and forever just out of reach. Wrapped up in worry and more of the same.

Worry he answers silently with concern and wonder. He doesn't know why this is happening but seeing things is scary. He knows. It isn't the same but if Ryan can glean the reflection in Min-Gi's eyes he'll see the patter of soft glow that washes over everything sparked with life. The plants, sure, but it's mostly Ryan that's vibrantly glowing in a flux of color. ]

[At first, Ryan doesn't see it. His eyes are shut and he's breathing deep, trying to focus so his thoughts don't go all over the place like they always do. It isn't perfect, but it kind of works? The thoughts move in a way that makes some semblance of sense. It's more like an actual stream of thought than a whirlpool that changes direction every two seconds.

Once it's over though, just as he's about to let go, he can see that unusual light in Min's eyes. He hesitates, but...well. It's probably more of the same, right? He doesn't trust his own perception at the moment.

Still, he looks down at his hands - at their hands still clasped together. He can't see any kind of an aura on himself or on Min, but that doesn't mean Min isn't seeing it.]

Does it feel weird? Like, touching it? ...Can you see your own?

[Asking about Min's possible hallucinations feels better than trying to justify or explain his own. If feels better that making him worry more.]

[Min shakes his head no before looking down at their joined hands. No, it doesn't feel like anything but he hasn't really thought about the other stuff. He focuses a little more to see if there really is anything different but if there is he isn't able to pick it out just yet. It's early days.]

Mm... no. Nothin on me and it just feels like you?

[He isn't sure if that's a good thing or not and looks back up.]

It's kinda rad looking, though.

[Unless it's a curse or something and then it would not be rad at all. Heat vision? Seems unlikely. Ryan's just...glowing. Different than normal, too, which is a weird thing to say bu here we are.]

How long have you been seeing mushrooms?

It sounds cooler than whatever's wrong with me. --oh! Do they leave trails?

[He actually lets go this time and slowly waves his hands in front of Min's face as if it'll make a funky light show for him. It's probably not going to do, much it's a moment of levity.

At least until the mushrooms are brought up again, anyway. He lowers his hands.]

This is going to sound bad but...a few days, I think? [Immediately his hands go up like he has to defend himself here.] Look, the whole city's covered in plants right now and I had no reason to think any of them weren't actually real. I just thought it was part of the whole, you know...thing! Mushrooms aren't even that weird for Trench.

[It wasn't like he was seeing pink elephants or whatever stereotypical hallucinations are. Until they started growing on Min he was sure he was seeing something that could reasonably exist - and even then the only thing that really convinces Ryan is the fact that Min can't see or touch them.]

[Ryan's wild, wacky waving makes Min-Gi cross-eyed as he tries to follow but he shakes his head. No trails. Alas.

And anyway, Ryan is actually answering the question so he isn't going to allow a distraction. The defensive stance is noticed, though. It's sure A Choice.

One he isn't too surprised about in general but it isn't needed in this instance and his tone reflects.]

Hey, no, you're right. There are plants everywhere and Trench's whole thing seems to be mushrooms.

How about this, if you're suspicious about something, just ask me and I'll tell you if I can see it or not. Just until we can figure out what's going on and how to stop it.

[The tension falls out of Ryan as Min validates him. He knows he's not always the most forthcoming, and he knows other people know this about him, so he was ready to have to justify himself. But, it's kind of a relief that he doesn't have to - and that he immediately has unconditional support.]

...Alright. Yeah, sounds good. I can do that.

[It doesn't sound like something that will burden Min too much? He's just...double-checking things. He can do that, probably.]

Whatever it is will probably pass too. Like it might be some weird blood thing, or maybe the plants are making everyone high as a kite.

[You know, casually spoken as though that isn't a big deal.]

[Min hasn't always been the best at being supportive or actually really listening, but he's just seen with his own eyes that what Ryan is saying is real. He has no reason to poke holes.

So, he nods a little and smiles (tightly) before giving the nearby door flowers a suspicious squint.]

I mean, maybe.

[Then back to Ryan.]

Does weird blood stuff happen every month? Each month has a different patron, I wonder if this is all because of...whoever is in charge or whatever.

[This isn't corruption right? Right???]

I think so? I don't always notice it, but sometimes something will happen to like. All the palebloods or all the coldbloods, or something like that. I think it has something to do with the moon...?

[He shrugs. What does he look like, a blood scientist?]

They've never been anything major for me though. I mean, I've never felt like I wasn't myself because of them? There was a month early on where I had these killer migraines all the time, but that's the most it's ever done to me.

[And even then he just pushed through them anyway. There was a lot going on at the time - he was helping get the Raccoon Room together, trying to write the Squid Song, partying in the street at ungodly hours because the Black Parade was outside his door. There was too much to do to let his head keep him away from everything.]

[Well you know, can't let a migraine get in the way of your over stimulated gutter spiral.]

Huh.

[Min-Gi looks at the flowers again, reaching to tug one of the last remaining lilies but hesitates at the last second. It's shimmering aura is getting stronger and stronger now that he's noticed it. Kinda seems a shame to pluck it out.

Ngh. He really wants to get back into his cellar, though.]

We should go and check the archives. It wouldn't be a bad idea to know this stuff. If there's a pattern then we can be ready for it. Oh, March? Better get set for whacko flower carnival month. Everything is mushrooms! Great, hate it. April? Everyone turns into chickens. Gives us a chance to build a coop.

Edited 2022-03-10 06:26 (UTC)

Would we have to change the band name to Human Choice Judy? It doesn't really have the same ring.

[He's kidding, but he couldn't resist. Surely Min saw it coming.]

And yeah! We can definitely do that. And some of it I know! Like the Black Parade was in October, and when I first got here, everyone was doing these weird little flower rituals? That's a lot easier to track than "was my blood making me do a weird thing or was I just doing a weird thing?".

[He tugs idly on some of the vines, but he's not really trying as hard as he was. This is kind of a lost cause, especially when more mushrooms seem to push their way through by the second.]

...We could do that now, actually. And maybe get a pair of scissors on the way back? Or a knife? Even nail clippers would work better than this trowel.

[They're all very good points but all Min can do is laugh and hold his hands up in defeat. Plan accepted.]

I know, I know, I keep meaning to do some shopping but I hate Willful Machine! I have a whole list of stuff I need but every time I think about haggling with rocks I just can't do it. It doesn't make sense. This is no way to run a financial institution.

[The archives? Easy. Shopping? Impossible. Can't be done. Not alone.]

[Ryan laughs back, because of course Min hates it. Of course he does.]

I keep telling you it doesn't have to literally be rocks, just stuff you can haggle with. Sometimes that's rocks but it doesn't have to be.

[It's very funny seeing him get all worked up about it though, because it's so on-brand for him to be bothered by this.]

You could've just asked me to go with you. Bring the list with you! We'll get some of it while we're at it. The vines can wait a bit.

[Of course it bothers him, it is literally insane! You know what? Squids, fine. Omens, fine. Haggling with random crap? INSANE!!!

For a second he looks like he might fight it, because it's embarrassing and pathetic that this should be such a simple and effortless task. He should be able to do this. He should be totally fine with collecting a bag of stupid shiny stuff and trading it for useful wares. Why is it so hard? Why does it feel so impossible to balance the worth of a feather against a knife? Two feathers? If it's a really good knife do you throw in a handful of gravel? A turtle shell?? What does it MEAN!?

But you know what, he really needs that knife. And some towels. And dishes and a kettle and some firewood, not to mention groceries. So necessity wins out over pride and he sighs, nodding and pulling himself up before offering Ryan a hand.]

Thanks, dude. Let's go get to the bottom of this.

[The mushroom thing will be fine. The aura thing? Probably also fine. They're going to go to the archives and then do some shopping and it's all going to be okay. It might even end up being a really nice adventure.

One last sunny, spring outing before it all goes to Hell.]

Edited 2022-03-10 08:27 (UTC)

[The mushrooms get worse. Significantly worse.

It's more of the same, so Ryan hasn't felt the need to fact-check them - if mushrooms are growing on someone, they're probably not real, right? Easy. He can manage that. And there haven't been any other hallucinations, anything he's really doubted himself on.

The problem, is that when he's out in public the mushrooms are starting to obscure people's faces. It starts small - just blurring out the features of local Trenchies he doesn't actually know, just people passing him in the street or the occasional shop keeper. It makes it difficult to look them in the eye or have a coherent conversation when he can't read their face or tell them apart from anyone else. Worse, people are noticing it happen.

Within a few days, it's nearly everyone and only spreading.

He and Min-Gi are heading over to the Raccoon Room to rehearse this week's show, and Ryan stays close. He always stays a little close, testing the limits of what going slow truly means for them, but for once that isn't why. There's a muffled and irrational fear in him, or at least one he assumes is irrational, that he'll stray too far from Min and lose him to the mushroom crowd. As soon as he has the thought he tries to dismiss it though. As if he'd forget Min's face. He's only seen Min's face almost daily since they were born (with some minor exceptions).

Still, he's a little nervous. It's not like him to be the quiet one. Was Min saying something to him? He was too busy looking at that group of mushroom-face people outside a nearby restaurant to notice, watching them eat mushrooms with their mushroom faces. It's so fucked up and he hates it but he can't stop looking at it.

Absently, he reaches for Min, to try and link their arms together as they walk - as if letting go will make him disappear somehow.]

Edited 2022-03-10 23:32 (UTC)

[Ryan and Min-Gi know each other's face better than they know their own. Every lash, every curve, every shade of brown in the other's eyes. Mushrooms or not, how could they ever lose that.

Min-Gi's crown is smaller today, just a few amethyst deceivers and little mycena interruptas. They pepper their way through his hair and from his shoulders and jacket pockets in meaningless, swirling rings. He's been checking in with Ryan about it a lot but asking too much will make it A Thing (concern vs being overbearing) and he doesn't want a fight.

Being out like this is already a little overwhelming. The streets are crowded as people emerge from the long bone months and their auras make the empty gaps between them nonexistent. He's hyper aware of every space he moves through and does his best to side step but it's impossible as they move through Crenshaw into Cellar Door.]

It's so busy out, this is whack.

[As awkward as he can be about Ryan touching him in public, he can kinda see the use case, and offers his elbow when prompted to link arms. It's not a romantic thing, this is a traveling safely when their eyes can't be trusted thing.]

Should we even be going anywhere?

[Min's been asking him about it, but Ryan hasn't felt like there's been a lot to report. Sometimes he'll trace out the pattern on Min with his fingers just to illustrate it, but clams up when it's pointed out that it seems like there are more of them.

There are definitely more. But, it's not like he can do anything about that.

Ryan scoffs at the suggestion, but he gladly takes Min's arm, happy to have that touch to ground him even a little. It only makes his nervousness more apparent though, amplified through his touch by his powers.]

Pfft. What, and just stop living our lives because I'm seeing mushrooms everywhere and you're seeing auras? We have a show in a couple days, and hallucinating things is totally not going to keep us off the stage.

[Famous last words.

He risks a glance toward Min, daring himself to look at his face. Ryan's aura is still mostly a warm red, but patches here and there are a murky green-brown. More of those patches have appeared on Ryan since Min started to see them.]

...Seriously though, are you okay? We don't have to practice there if it's too much right now. But it definitely won't be as crowded as the street either.

[Somehow it feels easier to offer that to Min than to ask for it himself. If he was alone he would force himself along, but now he has someone else's well being to think of.]

Edited 2022-03-11 05:45 (UTC)

[It's an out he might need to take, but not just yet. There's a great deal going on here and they could only get limited information from the archives. The steward had said for them to err on the side of caution and not mess with The Moss King too much, but what does that mean when The Moss King doesn't mean anything to you.

He looks down to meet Ryan's glance, brow furrowed.

The gut instinct is to kneejerk that he's fine and just fake his way through it.

Old habits are hard to break.]

I'm okay.

[He stops to adjust the weight of his keyboard case and searches his boyfriend's eyes for a long moment. For a flash he swears Ryan's eyes have taken on the greenish brown that's beginning to eat his aura. And maybe likewise, for a split second, Min-Gi is gone. Or shattered. Or fragmented. For a second he's just Some Guy. But then he wets his lips and that ghost swoops away. He speaks and it's clear again.]

If it gets worse would you be mad?

[Ryan's heart drops.

It's only for a second, but Min's face is obscured. The mushrooms in his crown move down and spread to his face and cluster and--

--and then it's gone. Honestly, it's the fact that it's gone that makes Ryan think it might not be part of the hallucinations. The mushrooms elsewhere have stuck around, even when he knows they aren't real, but...maybe this time he really is just seeing things. Psyching himself out.

With his free hand, he palms his eye under his glasses. It's nothing. He's good.

(another murky patch blooms in his aura, one that wasn't there before - on the left side of his face, near his glasses.)]

...Why would I be mad?

[Wait. That doesn't really answer the question.]

I wouldn't. Really. If it gets worse, then...then it gets worse. It's not something either of us can really help.

I just don’t like being out of control like that.

[Which might be a little candid for his comfort but it’s Ryan and this is serious. The patch of sickness blooming to the side of Ryan’s eye catches Min-Gi’s attention immediately.

Without thinking, he untangles their arms and raises his hand to cup the other’s cheek - attention laser focused. It’s an odd gesture in the moment without seeing what he does. Intimate out there in the street, very unlike him.

But that isn’t what he’s thinking about, he’s looking at the bruise against Ryan’s aura. Particles hovering in the nothing and everything of his energy. Boundless and exposed.]

[He wants to challenge that with something coy, lean in and flirt with a whisper and make things a little less serious for just a second. Maybe something like "Getting out of control can be fun though~"

But, he doesn't get the opportunity. Min cups his cheek, but it isn't a romantic gesture in the middle of the street. There's concern under Min's fingertips that Ryan can't possibly ignore with his powers, burning hot. He's under scrutiny.]

...Min-Gi? What's wrong?

[Because something is definitely, definitely wrong. There's no point in pretending he can't tell. He looks at Min with wide eyes, doing his best to ignore the ever-spreading mushrooms.]

[The answer is Everything, but how do you say that to the person getting worse. How do you say you can see there’s something wrong and that it’s spreading. That they’re sick. That despite best efforts to learn, they still don’t know anything and so he can do nothing to help. It’s frustrating.

Does he turn it around and say he’s the one feeling sick? He just said he’s fine.

Ryan knows something is wrong, would he know if Min-Gi was lying? Would his powers?

There’s conflict on his face in amongst the worry, concern, and fear.

For a second he looks as though he were going to say something, but the words fail to fly and he exhales instead, taking back his hand. They need to get out of the street, sooner rather than later. Maybe travel by lantern for the foreseeable future. He hasn’t felt right just walking around since he lived through Ryan’s experience with the Zealots.]

Let’s just get to the club.

[There's something wrong. There's something really wrong, but Min lets the subject slip and drop. Ryan could pursue it, and push for Min to tell him what he saw. There's no denying that he saw something. The lack of a real answer is answer enough.

But...in the moment, he doesn't have the nerve. Min's made it clear he doesn't want to talk about it. So they won't.

Min will be able to pin point the exact moment Ryan gives up on challenging him on it, because that bruise on his aura starts to fleck and spread along his cheek, where Min had just been touching him.]

...Yeah. Okay. Sure.

[Without asking, Ryan guides them toward a nearby storefront. They don't always need to be reading each other's emotions or thoughts to be in sync. Sometimes they can just read each other, and Ryan's read is that they should probably take the lanterns the rest of the way.

When they get to the lantern, Ryan steels himself. He turns.

There's a stranger beside him, their face obscured by mushrooms. There are small cues - the keyboard on the guy's back, the fact that they're wearing Min's clothes - but Ryan feels sick.

Still, he forces a smile and forces himself to trust. He offers the stranger his hand.]

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(A few days later--)

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