deercountry | All that I am

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All that I am

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki ~~with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...~~
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta

[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.

It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.

When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.

Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.

Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.

Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.

Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]

Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.

It's also too late.

Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.

They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]

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[ The confirmation is enough, an answer he can believe and one he doesn't feel the need to question. Not now, at least. Maybe later, when they're not lost. Are we? Lost? He turns his head to him, and his vision fills with white.

His arms come up around him, welcoming his solid form. No matter what he saw - I know this is real too. The vision showed him another aspect of him, a different perspective. It didn't change who he was simply gave him depth he hadn't uncovered before. ]

I'm not.

[ His fingers drift to the back of his nape where they gently thread through his hair wondering when he dyed it and for what reason. ]

I want to know you. Good or bad.

[ And after a breath: ] This is your world.

Can you show it to me?

[ --oh. Oh.

You know... That's the first time. The first time anyone's ever asked him something like that, and it startles him both to hear and realize that. Was it actually? Was that actually the first time?

The corners of his eyes water for a moment, feeling his fingers moving through the hair at the back of his neck in a way where he doesn't mind the fact it's unbound at all, and just buries his face against his neck in response. Fingers tightening into his sweater as his throat is too closed off to manage words. Thank you...

The request pulls him back to their more immediate concerns, and he reluctantly sits back. Meeting Shouto's gaze before he presses his lips together, looking around. The same as when he was here before with Kanda... was it Pthumerian illusion, a test? An actual portal into his past?

...did that mean he might still be hunted here? And if that was true...

Uneasy, he gives a small nod. His expression distracted. ]

We should... probably try to find some better clothes first. And shoes.

[ Scotland. Before this day, he never gave the country a second thought. From the beginning, he knew they came from different worlds, but this is the first time he's truly felt it.

He lets him go and they get back to their feet. Shouto looks around a second time, trying to see the landscape through Allen's eyes, but it only makes him feel the distance between them. His mouth pulls down into a grim line, and he steps closer to Allen, reaching for his hand to chase off the odd feeling pressing against his chest. Once it settles down, he looks to Allen for instruction, letting him lead the way.

But first: ] What's wrong with what we're wearing?

[ Allen had already started to realize just the stretch of that distance between their worlds when talking with Dabi, actually, and the confusion the word "modern" brought up. Not just an entire world away, but over a century. Still, it wasn't a troubling thought for Allen. To him, that was the past and where they had been, and Trench was the now where they both were. That's all that mattered.

He glances to Shouto in a bit of quiet surprise when he reaches for his hand, noticing the uneasy sort of hue to his expression, and wordlessly squeezes his hand in return. Firm and solid; I'll be right here.

But he casts him a wry look that at that question. Shouto. ]

Even with your ability to withstand the temperature, it probably isn't a good idea to walk around outside in your slippers. [ dryly ]

Also, we stand out like this.

[ Welcome to Allen's world where you have to care about that sort of thing and people are a lot judgier. ]

[ Huh. He didn't think about that. He takes a look at Allen's slippers, tips his head slightly to the left, shifts his eyes back to him, and - ]

I can carry you if you want.

Edited 2022-09-25 22:05 (UTC)

[ As if Allen was lucky enough to even be wearing slippers!! He's in his socks... ]

That won't be necessary!! [ he hopes. ]

We just need to --

[ Hey. Remember that pillar of ice Shouto left in the middle of the park? Someone was finally nosy enough to find and flag down a constable to have them go check it out apparently, because there's a shrill whistle suddenly that has Allen freezing almost comically stiff. They don't even need to hear the shout of the man, that whistle is a universal "halt!"

And Allen does the exact opposite. Gripping Shouto's hand tight, and bolting in the opposite direction with great determination and a lot of speed for someone practically barefoot in winter. ]

Come on!

[ the practiced ease of a criminal... ]

You're wearing socks. [ It's necessary. ] I can carry you on my back if you'd prefer. [ As if that's the issue. ] I can also give you my slippers, I don't get cold.

[ He offers, completely unaware of the trouble heading their way. He hears the whistle he simply doesn't react to it though he notices how Allen stiffens and grows worried. ]

Should I warm you up before we start?

[ His answer comes in the way Allen latches onto his hand and runs for it. Shouto, for his part, keeps pace with him with absolutely no idea where they're going or why they're running, but he's aware enough not to question him. Though he does have to ~~ask~~ yell, mid-huff: ]

Aren't you cold?

Edited 2022-09-25 22:32 (UTC)

[ Oh my god don't make him pick up and carry you. ]

Freezing! [ Does he sound like he cares about that? Nope. Cold is less his worry anyway than rock and cobblestone, though it will certainly compound that. His feet are probably going to be bleeding by tonight but still not caring about that! He's been here less than half an hour and has already slipped back into that core instinct that kept him going for. The instinct about how to run and not get caught. Especially by any official that might be connected with the church. Without knowing the true nature of this place, how long they'll be here, how to get back, or just... what truly is going on... he has to ere on the side of this is real.

Allen tugs him along with an iron grip on his wrist that may or may not stem from too many moments in the past when Shouto let go or Allen lost his grip at the worst possible moment. Out of the park and onto one of the streets bordering it, where the buildings are crowded densely together in the European fashion and more people are milling around, out for an afternoon stroll or shopping. There are gasps and disapproving mutters as they weave through, finely dressed ladies recoiling outright with scandalized expressions, but Allen is purposeful to dart straight through where it was the most dense before abruptly changing course into one of the many narrow alleyways that wedge between buildings.

The constable wasn't expecting a chase though he give an outraged shout when they take off and is in pursuit, his whistle trailing after them, but by the time Allen pulls them off the main street there's no further sign of him. ]

[ Freezing?! The look of shock as he keeps running is one of the few expressions that isn't subtle by any means. Then why are you running in the snow with no shoes on??! The urge to scoop him up is strong. His ice and fire can outrun almost anyone but Iida, but he doesn't know where they're going and who/what they're running away from, giving him few options. ]

Allen. Your feet!

[ The brisk run through the streets barely raises his heart rate, but the idea of how much damage he's doing to his feet is undoubtedly making it tick up! They pass an array of people that all look like they're from the last century, which puts into perspective just when Allen is from. But those thoughts are relegated for later contemplation when he's not fretting over abused feet. ]

Where are you going?!

[ If he can figure out that much, then he can use his quirk to get them there faster. And get Allen off his feet and into some proper shoes! ]

Edited 2022-09-25 23:34 (UTC)

[ Don't worry, he's jogging to a stop midway down the alley after casting a glance over his shoulder just to make sure they weren't followed. His footsteps are a bit more ginger than usual since they're a strange mix of painful and numb, but he's fine. They just really need to find shoes... and money...

He turns to Shouto, reaching for his other hand and tugging him towards him. ]

Sorry. [ He says it much more gently, apologetic. ] I just wanted to make sure we got away.

In this sort of place, if this is actually real and what I remember... [ He hesitates. ]

It's better if we don't get noticed. Or caught by the police.

[ As soon as Allen stops, Shouto gets a serious expression on his face and moves in front of him to cut him off before he even thinks about taking off again. He kneels on one knee, reaches for his left leg, and tells him to - ]

Raise your foot.

[ You bet your ass he's checking how much damage you did. Idiot. ]

Edited 2022-09-26 00:11 (UTC)

[ What?

He blinks, faltering at that and not complying just yet. Shifting his weight onto his heels uncertainly. ]

Shouto...

[ He doesn't wait for him this time and picks up the back of his heel to lift it up himself. ]

If you want to go somewhere, I can take you. You need to hurt yourself to get there.

[ He tells him plainly as he sets himself to the task of removing the sock to inspect the damage. ]

Edited 2022-09-26 00:20 (UTC)

[ Wah, he almost topples for a moment when Shouto just goes and picks his foot up, but he compensates quickly and finds his balance. He keeps a hand on Shouto's shoulder to help with that, but looks a little guilty when he starts to tug his sock off.

Thoughtful, but conflicted. ]

Doesn't the ground hurt your feet too? [ He says it more gently, letting him work.

They were running for a while but it was one burst through a park and the streets. His feet are entirely cold to the touch, though they don't show any signs of frostbite. There is some blood where the sharp edges of rock cut through in their headlong dash, but they're just small cuts that ooze. ]

Edited 2022-09-26 00:36 (UTC)

[ The sock comes off, revealing what he suspected from the start. Blood. His mouth grows stern. ]

My feet can handle it more than yours. I'm not cold.

[ Even in slacks, a sweater, and slippers, he was in better shape than Allen. Seeing the damage, he thinks about his hero costume and the first aid supplies he always kept in stock. If he was wearing his costume, he could help him, as is, the best he can do is mitigate the damage. He slips the sock back on and looks up at Allen. ]

Tell me where you want to go. I'll take us there.

[ You didn't say no. That detail doesn't escape him, but he doesn't immediately refute the offer either. Instead he presses his lips together for a moment, brows drawing together, before he reaches for Shouto's hands. To help him back up if he wants, or just to hold; either is fine. ]

It isn't that simple. [ He says it softly, with a quiet sort of certainty. Pale grey eyes open and clear. ]

I don't know how real this is, or how long we're going to be here... so we're going to need to find some money to get clothes and a place to stay while we figure things out. You can't carry me for that.

[ He's speaking gently because he knows exactly how much that is not what he wants to hear right now, but whereas in Trench Allen would usually not push on most matters... this time he's not being swayed. The stakes are too high.

He squeezes his hands gently. ]

We're probably both going to get a little hurt in the process, but that's alright. We can get better later.

[ That's the way of the world here. ]

[ No, he didn't.

He takes his hand, keeping hold of it after he's back on his feet. He takes the other one while Allen explains the situation and warms them both between his own without interrupting him. If he looks more focused on his task it's because he is though he doesn't miss anything he tells him. He understands this isn't his world, nor does he expect it to function like his own, but he lets Allen have his say. ]

It's an undercover mission.

[ He lifts his focus from his task to meet his eyes. ]

That means if one of us gets injured, it will burden the other, and since I don't know this world or how it works, you are the priority. If something happens to me, you'll know how to get help. I won't.

[ With that being said, he lifts one foot, removes his slipper, and does the same with the other before handing them over to him. ]

Put these on.

[ Yes, he is very serious. ]

Edited 2022-09-26 02:01 (UTC)

[ Undercover... mission? He blinks a little owlishly at that, as isn't that a weird way of thinking about that combined with... actually, that's not entirely wrong either. How even do you manage to straddle that line so much anyway.

He accepts the slippers, even if he glances to them in some mild reluctance before looking back up at Shouto. The corner of his mouth twitches up in a lopsided, somewhat incredulous smile. ]

You probably wouldn't let me turn you down on this, would you? [ Haha...

You're lucky you're also wearing socks or he'd fight you on this. ]

No. [ Point blank. ] Now put them on. We're wasting time.

[ He waits for him to do it, before continuing. ]

Now, where are we going?

Edited 2022-09-26 02:19 (UTC)

[ That response gets a small sigh from Allen but he complies, bending down to slip them onto his feet quickly. You don't have to hurry him!! You're the one who stopped them to fuss over his feet anyway!! Who's the one wasting time here being obstinate!!

His expression is both resigned and calm when he looks back up though, considering things. Also, it'll be his turn to fuss over you later. ]

It's been a long time since I was here... [ Really here. His memories when he was here with Kanda fuzz out quickly after they had arrived. ] I think I can get us some money, but we'll need to go to a different part of town. [ For... several reasons.

He turns towards the street again, but looks back at Shouto then. Considers something, his expression softening. ]

...Touya called the place you're from "modern." I don't know what that means exactly... but I understand it's something really far in the future from here. And that the way things are is pretty different.

[ He reaches for his hand again, hooking his fingers around his, and it isn't because his hand has started to get cold again. He squeezes gently, a gesture as solemn as gentle. ]

I don't know what that means exactly, but most people here aren't going to be as understanding of people who are different from them as those in Trench are. So we need to head somewhere where they won't mind as much.

Edited 2022-09-26 02:40 (UTC)

[ Unlike Allen, there's nothing to fuss about. He takes proper care of himself. It's the one thing Endeavor instilled into him; he couldn't lose his prized horse after all. If he were more vocal about his thoughts, Allen would know precisely what he thought about his flight through the city. Midwinter, and wearing only socks on cobblestone roads. He's not the priority here. ]

How long?

[ He's not prying. It's vital information. If it's been too long, then what he remembers may no longer be valid. It's best to know that upfront. As for the currency... he... didn't think about that. Usually, that kind of thing was taken care of for him, but it makes sense to acquire it early on. It would help them in the long run for everyday essentials. He thinks of his first aid kit and nods firmly at Allen. Good call.

He's about to follow him out onto the street when Allen turns back around. Shouto stops mid-step, some of the sternness gone from his expression now that he's tended to him and knows what's going on; somewhat. ]

[ What comes next smoothes out his expression. Puzzled, he loses the grimness that overtook his demeanor, and he looks at Allen anew. ]

You spoke with my brother about our world?

[ He has many questions, and unfortunately, all of them will have to wait until they've found a Homebase. For now, he contents himself with looking down at their joined hands. ]

A hundred years, most likely.

[ A full century of technological and social advancements. Unfortunately for Allen, Shouto won't understand the trepidation that comes with social... regression. ]

Different how?

[ You're dealing with a guppy in a sea of sharks. ]

Edited 2022-09-26 03:12 (UTC)

[ He offers a small, somewhat bittersweet smile in response to the confused look Shouto gets. ]

I didn't really talk with him much about it... we were trading some things, and it came up during that. [ In retrospect... Dabi had told him jack squat in specifics while getting Allen to actually reveal some things. Damn, he's good. Ass.

But he shakes his head lightly, gathering his thoughts back, and tries to figure out how to best put it. Tries to put himself back, when he's lived somewhere so very different for a year. ]

Anyone who looks different, or... like they must somehow be cursed. [ His tone is quieter and he pauses, considering his next words. ]

Most people... They don't have any powers or special abilities. Nothing that makes them stand out or look different from most other people. And they don't know it's possible. So they get scared when they see something they can't understand, and think that something must be wrong or dangerous about that person.

[ He's speaking softly but simply as he describes that, and threads their fingers together as he does. Idly moving their fingers together in an understated way that matches the sad-sweet way his eyes cast down slightly, and he tugs lightly to encourage him to stand closer. ]

As for how long it's been... [ He hesitates, gentling as his eyes drop. ] You saw about how long.

[ That night when the circus was destroyed... the next day was also when he left Edinburgh. ]

I'd say it's probably been about ten years.

Edited 2022-09-26 03:49 (UTC)

[ Trading? He still doesn't know about his brother's side business, so this is news to him and a line of inquiry he'd very much pursue in any other situation when they weren't in danger. Though, he still doesn't understand where that danger stems from. So, he nods instead, filing that information for later.

As for the explanation... No powers or special abilities? ]

They're quirkless.

[ It's the way he understands it. It's a minority in his world, around 20%. Not a small number but it was rare to come across someone who didn't have some kind of quirk. But that still doesn't explain why they would be scared of them. ]

Why don't they know it's possible? Haven't they seen Exorcists use their powers?

[ Not understanding is one thing, but outright not knowing? That doesn't make sense to him. He frowns as Allen threads their fingers together. Though he steps forward at the gentle encouragement. It's not him he has an issue with. This close, he catches on to where he's looking and wonders what else he's thinking about.

Is something wrong?

A thought that gets set aside the moment Allen reminds him of the vision. The frown vanishes in an instant, and he sweeps an arm around his back to hold him close and cocoons him in a gentle heat emanating from every part of him as if to chase away the cold from that night. ]

I'll follow your lead. For now, let's get out of the snow.

Edited 2022-09-26 04:42 (UTC)

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