All that I am

[likethelight]

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta


[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.

It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.

When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.

Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.

Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.

Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.

Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]

Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.

It's also too late.

Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.

They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]

Comments

[swellter]

Hate?

[ His eyes stretch wide at the implication, and he looks at the crowd gathered near the windows.

Mama, I'm scared. A little girl cries, and her mother picks her up, clutching her to her breast. It's alright, darling. You have your rosary, remember? The one Father Hoyt gave you? No demons can hurt you so long as you have it on.

The little girl clings to her, and the woman looks up just in time to catch him watching them. She startles, eyes wide with fear, and quickly takes her daughter away from the window to hide her away. Seeing this, Shouto grows cold in Allen's grip as realization slowly dawns. ]

They're... scared of me.

[ He doesn't argue after that, doesn't ask further questions. He simply follows him into the alley, letting the darkness swallow them. ]

[likethelight]

[ Oh... his heart twists at that, expression faltering. That sort of realization... Allen had it before he could even properly form memories, it was hard-baked into him at such an early age, but if Shouto is having that now...

He squeezes his hand in sympathy, expression conflicted. ]

And me. [ Even if for once, for reasons he's not even sure of, they decided to be more afraid of Shouto. But he says it softly, his demeanor becoming quiet, and leads them back out of sight and into the lengthening shadows.

His demeanor stays quiet and a little distracted as they walk, but he keeps holding onto Shouto's hand. Gently, but in a way where he's very much not letting go either. He doesn't really know any inns here, he was too young to notice that kind of things before and doesn't have Cross's connections here and would say as much if asked, so it's more wandering until coming across one his instincts identify as a safe bet. As for what constitutes a safe bet...?

The first one, a lively pub serving some sort of meat pies one can smell from the street, seems to be going well despite the innkeep giving Allen, in full polite charm: on mode and smiles, several very dubious once-overs and staring hard at his scar. Until he catches Shouto looking at him and locks gazes, startling visibly at his bright teal eye against such red burnt skin. He shoves Allen's money roughly back at him then, declaring they have no vacancy. He threatens to have them thrown out and locked up if they try to protest.

The second one they barely get in the door before a woman who's sweeping up blanches, looking panicked before she brandishes her broom at them. We got no room for your kind here! Shoo!

Three. Four.

The fifth one is in a different part of town, that while the rest of the city is going to sleep aside from the pubs... this part is waking up. Colorful signs advertising things like Puss In Boots, The Bunny's Bottom, and Kitty Kat's ♥. By this point, Allen's so worn and tired his expression barely changes when they get there -- maybe just a bit more resigned -- but he isolates an inn ("inn") that's across from one of the... clubs. This one is run by a thin and sharp-faced woman in heavy makeup who regards the two of them wordlessly after his request for a room ("just a room?" "yes, just a room"), no more energetic charm and veneer. She takes a long drag on her cigarette as she sizes them both up; perfect poker face, nothing warm and nothing cold. Her eyes linger, yes, on both their scars for a moment, on Shouto's left eye, Allen's not quite fully hidden left hand, and their ill-fitted and cobbled together appearance. How they're standing. The near-matching earcuffs.

It's a long, long moment.

She reaches back and slides a key across the counter. "Two shillings, third floor. Go all the way down and it's on the right." She continues to watch for a measured, unreadable moment as Allen, startled, fumbles for the coins.

"It's my boys' old room. Got some of their old clothes in it, too." She stamps out her cigarette and takes the money from Allen who's staring, dumbfounded. "You can pay me for whatever you end up using tomorrow." ]

[swellter]

[ He walks in silence until his heart starts to uncoil from the truth he's uncovered in that short exchange. She was scared of my eyes. Memories of his mother's last days with him come to light. The way she looked at him when she got worked up. It was that same wild-eyed fearful look that stared back at him after the bandages came off, revealing the scar he'd bare the rest of his life. He deserved it for making her break, for keeping her a prisoner in that institution just like his father. For being the reason why his family fell apart.

He breathes heavily, the cold crackling inside his chest, numbing him to that pain. A cold fog expels from his lungs, and Shouto realizes how cold he's grown and attempts to let go of Allen, who holds onto him despite the insistent tug. His grip fastens tightly around his wrist. Shouto concedes to him and turns his efforts inward. His part in his mother's mental breakdown was once a shackle that held him down. Before UA, before his friends, he used to blame himself. He knew better now. In his journey to know himself, he discarded that chain. He was a child. Too young to know what was happening or how to stop it. The same truth held firm here. He didn't do anything to glean their mistrust and hate. It wasn't his fault.

With that thought firmly held in his heart, he starts to warm. When they reach the inn, he's no longer cold to the touch. This time, he lets Allen do the talking. He watches from behind, staring up at the woman. Everything seems to be going well until she looks at him, startles, and swiftly throws them out.

His temperature stays neutral.

The next place plays out in the same manner. And the next, and the next one after that. The pattern is obvious to anyone paying attention. So, by the time they reach the third place, Shouto stares at the ground while Allen - He's tired, isn't he? - tries to find them a room and gets the same reception which startles Shouto more than anything he's uncovered so far. It... isn't just me. He realizes and starts to look back at their previous encounters. They weren't just scared of me. They were scared of you too... That galvanizes him into action, and he stands shoulder to shoulder with Allen after that. Stops looking down, even when the patron of the fourth inn gives him a callous 'Get out.' No matter, Shouto keeps Allen warm with his quirk.

Stubbornly, Shouto hooks his arm around Allen's and wraps him in an invisible shield of heat around him. It radiates off his entire person throughout their next walk which is longer than the last, and the night only grows colder, which prompts a few offers to carry him. When they reach the colorful district, the bright lights wash out everything, and the people who walk the street at this time of night seem bolder because of it. They still get a few startled looks. Mostly from people who get too close, touching on that bubble of warmth. They stare, dumbfounded, but soon shrug it off when they tell themselves it was the wind from someone opening up one of the nearby shops promising discounts of every kind.

Shouto stays closer to Allen, shoulder pressing against his, as he watches the people more than the shops. He's been to Tokyo a few times. Its streets were brighter than this, the crowds larger. They moved through the well-ordered city at a fast pace, but this was more... laid back. Everything was less ordered, the people who walked the streets more... ]

They look... different.

[ He murmurs near his ear. Different from the people he's grown accustomed to in the other districts, Allen took him too. These people hold his gaze, cock their head at him, and smile. He has more than a few staring contests, all of which get disrupted by the crowds as Allen keeps them moving and Shouto loses sight of them. When they arrive at the fifth inn, Allen looks ready to fall on his face. Shouto thinks if they get turned away here, he'll grab Allen and set them up in a makeshift shelter. With his quirk, it's the obvious choice. He can keep him warm.

With that thought in mind, he stands by his side, looking straight at the woman without blinking when she looks them over. Shouto almost wants her to throw them out so he can take Allen and put him to bed, so when she slides the key across the counter, he's half-shocked, half-grateful. His expression softens when he looks at Allen, who looks just as surprised as him. He understands why and makes sure to ask about food and bathing accommodations. Once he gets his answer, he nods at her and turns to Allen, picking him off the ground without a word. Then starts up the stairs with him in tow, letting him open the door without setting him down. ]

[likethelight]

[ Shouto's questions get an offhand wave from the woman, slightly amused at their obvious shock but keeping it off her face. They're in for a treat, that's all she says. She takes good care of her clients. Food they'll have to go find elsewhere, it's not like she runs a pub.

Allen, seeming to remember something, also asks if she has any bandages or antiseptic as... as the day wore on, so did his step. Faltering more like it pained him at times (while still blustering and protesting being carried!!). It prompts a raised eyebrow, and after scrutinizing him for a moment she makes a pinching motion. He, reluctantly, makes a face and hands over a couple coins. She comes back after a moment with a small wooden that she hands him and warns him to be sure to return it in the morning.

He's accepting it gratefully when Shouto sweeps him up like he's absolutely nothing, entirely catching him offguard, and he clutches the case with a startled squeak. ]

Shouto! [ sputtering. Warn him!!! Also-- not now!!! You!!!

He's floundering for words, half-panicked that that might have made the woman change her mind. What if that!!! And she's staring, oh for a moment she's staring and almost as speechless as Allen... But she leans forward and props her chin up on her hand, watching them go with the faintest sort of smirk.

Allen stares, not even protesting being picked up anymore. He goes somewhat limp in acquiescence with a faint sort of huff and, yes, will get whatever doors there are. He gives Shouto a sullen look for it though. He's still not happy about that, you know...

The corridors are dark and rich-feeling. Much nicer than the front below, and they pass a person of unidentifiable gender who seems to be standing guard and is built like a brick wall. They eye them suspiciously, but let them pass when Allen holds up the key sheepishly.

The rooms are numbered like they would be in a hotel, but when they get to the end of the hall she mentioned the numbers stop and even Allen is slightly confused. He'll exchange a questioning look with Shouto, suggesting they try the unmarked last one, and when he squirms to fit the key in the lock it turns, much to his slight shock. Ah... ]

These must not be rooms she really rents out... [ He blinks, but like that also suddenly makes sense. They weren't exactly regular clientele.

It's clean but not like the opulence the halls and lobby would suggest, more quaintly furnished like a middle-class house. There's a connected bathroom, small and cramped like it's been shoehorned into a space that wasn't meant for it, but fully plumbed with a very deep wood-encased tub.

Allen glances up at Shouto; gentle, but also a little uneasy or concerned. He snags some of the fabric of his coat sleeve between his fingers, giving a small tug. ]

It's alright, you can put me down now.

[swellter]

Okay.

[ He says without looking at him and heads straight for the tub setting him inside. ]

Your clothes smell.

[ Is all he says as he deposits him into the tub and proceeds to work the water, adding a touch of heat where it's needed. Yes, he means to wash you and your clothes.

The fastest point from point A to point B is a straight line. ]

[likethelight]

[ AGAIN?!?!?!

His boots, his hard won stinky boots!!! He's scrambling to swing his legs up and get them off quickly in a panicked unlacing before they get wet too. cad!! ]

So do yours. [ Does he sound like a wet cat? Kinda. ]

[swellter]

[ Oh, you think he doesn't mean to soak your boots too? ]

I'm next after you're done.

[ SPLASH! ]

Is there any soap?

[likethelight]

[ YOU DON'T SOAK LEATHER BOOTS! ]

It'd make more sense for us to both clean up before washing our clothes. [ Sourly. This isn't like your weird laundry-bath setup where they could both do that at the same time! Also you better believe he's taking those socks off and letting them drop outside the tub. Do you think he wants to be in here with them for even one second?! Not that his feet look or smell much better...

He sulks, realizing the water is rising too much to reach anything else before it's soaked. His coat... it'll take forever to dry... oh well maybe her sons had better ones. ]

Probably. [ It's half-hearted, not even paying the request that much attention. And yes, he'll find a nearby bar of soap along with wash towels. ]

[swellter]

[ His clothes are spefically made for him. Every piece threaded from a high-end material developed in a lab specifically FOR him to withstand not only extreme heat but extreme cold. Even his father's clothes, meant to withstand the hottest temperatures, can't hold up to the extreme cold he produces regularly. Anything that can't withstand his quirk breaks off at low temperatures or is reduced to ash. He goes through clothes like Allen goes through food, unless he's extremely careful. With that in mind, he has absolutely no idea how to take care of regular clothes. This is why he pays someone to do his laundry. Before that, he did exactly what he's doing now. ]

It's better to clean the clothes first, then ourselves. We'll smell less.

[ Is he saying you smell? Of course, but he's not excluding himself in that statement either.

Question answered he searches for the soap while Allen goes through the first wash cycle. ]

[likethelight]

[ While Allen certainly destroyed and went through many uniforms while at the Order as that's just the nature of battle, he was also more careless with them because he didn't know how much the specialized materials cost. He'd have swooned and taken much better care of them if he did. But with his own clothing that he now has to take care of and pay for himself, you better believe he makes it last!!! Welcome to Victorian society where you might buy one new outfit a year and it's pretty damn expensive. And that's if you weren't poor. Better learn to make it last. ]

You do realize no one else does it like that? Most people don't want to stay in the bath with dirty things. It's unsanitary. [ sour sour sour sour...

He's tempted to just sit there and refuse to take his clothes off out of protest, but after a moment of realizing he wants to leave them on and sit in the stink even less he starts to pick at his gloves and tug them off. Scarf, coat... ugh sometimes you suck ]

[swellter]

[ He hears you. ]

Okay, stand up.

[ He walks back to the tub, raises his hands, sets them apart by an inch and out comes pouring water on top of Allen's head at a perfectly warm temperature.

He's made a shower for you. Be happy. ]

You can unplug the drain now.

[likethelight]

[ He blinks, staring. You--

He's not reaching for the drain. Or standing up. Instead he's just blinking owlishly as the water runs down his head and wets his hair, realizing he means to stand there and... yes... is making it like a shower for him. And apparently means to stand there doing that.

That. That is your solution to the problem of your own making. ]

... [ No. He will not reach for the drain. What he will do is reach up and, grabbing Shouto by the lapels of his jacket--

...yank him unceremoniously in with him. splash indeed ]

[swellter]

[ And down he goes, hits the water with his mouth wide open. The dirty water crashes against the edge of the tub and keeps going right over the lip straight onto the floor as Shouto rises from the dark waters. His right side sports grey hair instead of white, the grime setting in.

Why did you--

He stares at Allen, looking more confused than offended. Did you... ]

Did you want to take a bath together?

[likethelight]

[ The drain, the drain!! He's reaching to unplug it as soon as the water overflows, even if he might have to half climb over Shouto a bit to do so. Let's not have a repeat of that one time, especially in someone else's house... er, establishment.

He huffs lightly at the question, taking a sour kind of satisfaction in the tinting of his hair. Serves you right. ]

It's a little cramped for that.. [ Look he just wanted... actually, he doesn't know what he wanted, just that he feels better now. Like the world has just righted itself again a little. ]

[swellter]

Then, why did you--hmph

[ He gets a face full of Allen and gets pushed back into the grey water. This time the splash isn't nearly so high. When he gets up this time, he stares up at Allen with disbelief as he sits in the tub with his hands splayed on either side. ]

Are you... trying to drown me?

[ Did he... Did he get switched with someone else? No...he was with him the entire time. Then what? Possessed? Was there a ghost in this room?! ]

[likethelight]

[ --oh. Now he feels a little bad. He reaches over to sweep some of the drenched bangs from his face apologetically. ]

If I wanted to drown you I wouldn't have just unplugged the drain. [ omin...ous...? He says it more softly though, if like a faint sort of scold. Your earnest nature is very endearing but sometimes a little impossible, you know.

He sits back, rubbing at the back of his head lightly. His hair is quite flattened, if still tied back. ]

Sorry, I didn't want the water to overflow. [ again ]

[swellter]

[ The ghost must have stopped possessing him. Even so, Shouto looks to the side to look past him in hopes of spotting... something. What did ghosts look like? Was it okay to sleep in here with it?

He drags his eyes back to him when he moves his hair out of the way, and stares. ]

Were you possessed?

[ He would know, wouldn't he? ]

[likethelight]

[ First Lenalee believes in vampires and now you believe in ghosts... Shouto...

Actually wait, both of those are very much real in Trench. Maybe that's not so ridiculous. ]

What? [ Blinking. Was he serious? ]

...no?

[swellter]

[ A likely story, but for all he knows, the ghost was still in control of him. He could be lying. If it managed to take him down, what would it do to Allen? Just in case, he should be more cautious.

He pulls back, away from that hand. ]

... You didn't seem yourself.

[likethelight]

[ are. are you shunning him??

--also wait. you were serious about the possession thing??? ]

How was I not being myself! It was an accident! [ He huffs and sits back sulkily. Picks at the edge of his sodden sleeve. ]

Well, the second time.

[swellter]

[ He's being cautious... that hand tried to drown him once already.

Shouto scoots away from him to the other side of the tub to let the water drain faster... yes that's right. ]

What about the first?

[likethelight]

[ He did not try to drown him!! And he regards how he's edging away suspiciously... ]

Turnabout is fair play.

[ Not even batting an eyelash. ]

1/2

[swellter]

[ Fairplay?! So, he did mean to drown him! ]

2/2

[swellter]

[ His expression grows hard.

Instead of questioning that answer, he stands up and gets out of the tub. One foot, then the other, leaving a wet trail behind as he heads for the door to talk to the owner about this ghost room she gave them.

No wonder it didn't have a number. It's haunted. ]

[likethelight]

[ How did you manage to still arrive at that conclusion. Better not hear or have heard some of the sounds coming from the other rooms, or he'll think it the moans of ghosts....

Allen startles slightly when he just gets up without saying a word, thinking he went too far. His stomach sinks. ]

Shouto? [ Nervous, he watches his back for a moment. Then, when his hand is on the door and he realizes his intent to just go out like that, outside the bathroom while still dripping everywhere, he scrambles into action. Bare feet hit the floor and he swears lightly under his breath and falters for a moment, pain, but pushes through it to reach out and snag his wrist. ]

Ah, wait!! You'll damage the floors!! [ And he'll have to pay for it! ]