deercountry | All that I am

Entry tags:

All that I am

Who: Allen Walker and Shouto Todoroki ~~with guest appearances by The Fourteenth...~~
What: September Paleblood effects, and getting trapped in a version of Allen's horrific world and life for a time courtesy of a cursed book/the Absolute Immersion prompt 🙂 Many CW for mentions and flashbacks of Allen's very abusive childhood. also red light districts. (to date: pet death/abuse, child abuse, suicidal impulses of a child)
When: Later September
Where: Their house, and then Victorian England sorta

[ When Shouto had become blind, it had been Allen who fret and fussed more than he needed to. Hovering by his side and always ready to take his arm and steer him gently this way or that, explaining whatever the goings-on were with an animated chatter born first from concern and then increasingly just out of enjoying conversing so later on. Describing the world and especially the people around them like someone reading a particularly good story aloud might and getting caught up in it with an actual delight.

It wasn't so bad for him after all, he'd say, since he lost first his sense of taste (that was insulting but something he dealt with just by pouting at dinnertime) and then touch. Annoyances more than anything, nothing that bad. Touch bothered him more than he thought it would, leaving him staring down at his hands with an unsettled expression from time to time when he thought no one was looking, but he tried to avoid letting that on.

When Allen lost his sense of sight, he became almost unsettlingly... quiet, actually. Not complaining even a little. But off, perpetually distracted and a little jumpy at the slightest noise or sense of movement. With it ironically around the same time Shouto finally regained his own vision. Something he expressed relief for -- it'd be rather silly and unfortunate for them to both lose their sense of sight at the same time, wouldn't it? -- but that was a little hollow too.

Whether Shouto thought to read to him or it happened by accident when Allen was half-dozing near him one day when he asked him out of bored senseless curiosity what he was reading, it was one of the few things that made him perk up. Even if he usually dozed off on him, it was comfortably and amicably so and eased a lot of his restlessness. Something he started to look forward to and ask him a little more eagerly each time what he was reading that day.

Today, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of this new book when he came back with it. Musty and old, and something that just... unsettled him on some very deep, instinctive level. Like if black magic had a smell. Easy enough to pass off at the explanation it was handed to him from someone in Gaze offering free books to passerby, everything there was a little weird and derelict, and the explanation it was a story (apparently) about an exorcist who saved souls was enough to both baffle and intrigue him. Weirdly... spot on, wasn't that? But curiosity alone was a good enough reason for him to shelve any misgivings and settle in, leaning his chin on his shoulder and peering over like he was actually trying to peek at the pages he couldn't see. Also, Shouto's monotone could put anyone at ease (and to sleep). Allen's disarmed and lulled off pretty quickly, relaxing as the tale begins and meanders vaguely around a nameless boy who loved too much. Who was thrown at odds against the home he had always known first for wanting to save those they wanted him to destroy, and then for finding out he was fated to become their enemy and the very thing that would destroy them and the world.

Allen stops dozing off and becomes very awake. Very quiet, and very still.

Shouto can get to the part where the boy says goodbye and leaves in order to keep his home safe, and that's when Allen will fumble for his hand. Grasping his wrist tightly with alarmed urgency. ]

Shouto. [ It's laced with a strange sort of fear, a rising panic. Stop reading.

It's also too late.

Reality... warps. Uncomfortably so, like vertigo but pulling your soul inside-out instead of your stomach. It feels like falling. Falling forward into freefall, which... is accurate. At first it feels like falling into a vacuum, and then the wind is quickly rushing past their ears. They burst through what feels like a thin glass pane of light that shatters harmlessly around them and melt away, geometric patterns in the sky, and the air is crisp and cold; the first kiss of winter, and for the first time smelling clean and entirely without the odor of blood, decay, and industry that clings to Trench. Into the middle of a city park, rows of brick Victorian buildings lining the sides of it with a clocktower and castle in the distance.

They're also about fifty feet up in the air, upside-down and in rapid freefall. ]

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[ What?

He blinks, faltering at that and not complying just yet. Shifting his weight onto his heels uncertainly. ]

Shouto...

[ He doesn't wait for him this time and picks up the back of his heel to lift it up himself. ]

If you want to go somewhere, I can take you. You need to hurt yourself to get there.

[ He tells him plainly as he sets himself to the task of removing the sock to inspect the damage. ]

Edited 2022-09-26 00:20 (UTC)

[ Wah, he almost topples for a moment when Shouto just goes and picks his foot up, but he compensates quickly and finds his balance. He keeps a hand on Shouto's shoulder to help with that, but looks a little guilty when he starts to tug his sock off.

Thoughtful, but conflicted. ]

Doesn't the ground hurt your feet too? [ He says it more gently, letting him work.

They were running for a while but it was one burst through a park and the streets. His feet are entirely cold to the touch, though they don't show any signs of frostbite. There is some blood where the sharp edges of rock cut through in their headlong dash, but they're just small cuts that ooze. ]

Edited 2022-09-26 00:36 (UTC)

[ The sock comes off, revealing what he suspected from the start. Blood. His mouth grows stern. ]

My feet can handle it more than yours. I'm not cold.

[ Even in slacks, a sweater, and slippers, he was in better shape than Allen. Seeing the damage, he thinks about his hero costume and the first aid supplies he always kept in stock. If he was wearing his costume, he could help him, as is, the best he can do is mitigate the damage. He slips the sock back on and looks up at Allen. ]

Tell me where you want to go. I'll take us there.

[ You didn't say no. That detail doesn't escape him, but he doesn't immediately refute the offer either. Instead he presses his lips together for a moment, brows drawing together, before he reaches for Shouto's hands. To help him back up if he wants, or just to hold; either is fine. ]

It isn't that simple. [ He says it softly, with a quiet sort of certainty. Pale grey eyes open and clear. ]

I don't know how real this is, or how long we're going to be here... so we're going to need to find some money to get clothes and a place to stay while we figure things out. You can't carry me for that.

[ He's speaking gently because he knows exactly how much that is not what he wants to hear right now, but whereas in Trench Allen would usually not push on most matters... this time he's not being swayed. The stakes are too high.

He squeezes his hands gently. ]

We're probably both going to get a little hurt in the process, but that's alright. We can get better later.

[ That's the way of the world here. ]

[ No, he didn't.

He takes his hand, keeping hold of it after he's back on his feet. He takes the other one while Allen explains the situation and warms them both between his own without interrupting him. If he looks more focused on his task it's because he is though he doesn't miss anything he tells him. He understands this isn't his world, nor does he expect it to function like his own, but he lets Allen have his say. ]

It's an undercover mission.

[ He lifts his focus from his task to meet his eyes. ]

That means if one of us gets injured, it will burden the other, and since I don't know this world or how it works, you are the priority. If something happens to me, you'll know how to get help. I won't.

[ With that being said, he lifts one foot, removes his slipper, and does the same with the other before handing them over to him. ]

Put these on.

[ Yes, he is very serious. ]

Edited 2022-09-26 02:01 (UTC)

[ Undercover... mission? He blinks a little owlishly at that, as isn't that a weird way of thinking about that combined with... actually, that's not entirely wrong either. How even do you manage to straddle that line so much anyway.

He accepts the slippers, even if he glances to them in some mild reluctance before looking back up at Shouto. The corner of his mouth twitches up in a lopsided, somewhat incredulous smile. ]

You probably wouldn't let me turn you down on this, would you? [ Haha...

You're lucky you're also wearing socks or he'd fight you on this. ]

No. [ Point blank. ] Now put them on. We're wasting time.

[ He waits for him to do it, before continuing. ]

Now, where are we going?

Edited 2022-09-26 02:19 (UTC)

[ That response gets a small sigh from Allen but he complies, bending down to slip them onto his feet quickly. You don't have to hurry him!! You're the one who stopped them to fuss over his feet anyway!! Who's the one wasting time here being obstinate!!

His expression is both resigned and calm when he looks back up though, considering things. Also, it'll be his turn to fuss over you later. ]

It's been a long time since I was here... [ Really here. His memories when he was here with Kanda fuzz out quickly after they had arrived. ] I think I can get us some money, but we'll need to go to a different part of town. [ For... several reasons.

He turns towards the street again, but looks back at Shouto then. Considers something, his expression softening. ]

...Touya called the place you're from "modern." I don't know what that means exactly... but I understand it's something really far in the future from here. And that the way things are is pretty different.

[ He reaches for his hand again, hooking his fingers around his, and it isn't because his hand has started to get cold again. He squeezes gently, a gesture as solemn as gentle. ]

I don't know what that means exactly, but most people here aren't going to be as understanding of people who are different from them as those in Trench are. So we need to head somewhere where they won't mind as much.

Edited 2022-09-26 02:40 (UTC)

[ Unlike Allen, there's nothing to fuss about. He takes proper care of himself. It's the one thing Endeavor instilled into him; he couldn't lose his prized horse after all. If he were more vocal about his thoughts, Allen would know precisely what he thought about his flight through the city. Midwinter, and wearing only socks on cobblestone roads. He's not the priority here. ]

How long?

[ He's not prying. It's vital information. If it's been too long, then what he remembers may no longer be valid. It's best to know that upfront. As for the currency... he... didn't think about that. Usually, that kind of thing was taken care of for him, but it makes sense to acquire it early on. It would help them in the long run for everyday essentials. He thinks of his first aid kit and nods firmly at Allen. Good call.

He's about to follow him out onto the street when Allen turns back around. Shouto stops mid-step, some of the sternness gone from his expression now that he's tended to him and knows what's going on; somewhat. ]

[ What comes next smoothes out his expression. Puzzled, he loses the grimness that overtook his demeanor, and he looks at Allen anew. ]

You spoke with my brother about our world?

[ He has many questions, and unfortunately, all of them will have to wait until they've found a Homebase. For now, he contents himself with looking down at their joined hands. ]

A hundred years, most likely.

[ A full century of technological and social advancements. Unfortunately for Allen, Shouto won't understand the trepidation that comes with social... regression. ]

Different how?

[ You're dealing with a guppy in a sea of sharks. ]

Edited 2022-09-26 03:12 (UTC)

[ He offers a small, somewhat bittersweet smile in response to the confused look Shouto gets. ]

I didn't really talk with him much about it... we were trading some things, and it came up during that. [ In retrospect... Dabi had told him jack squat in specifics while getting Allen to actually reveal some things. Damn, he's good. Ass.

But he shakes his head lightly, gathering his thoughts back, and tries to figure out how to best put it. Tries to put himself back, when he's lived somewhere so very different for a year. ]

Anyone who looks different, or... like they must somehow be cursed. [ His tone is quieter and he pauses, considering his next words. ]

Most people... They don't have any powers or special abilities. Nothing that makes them stand out or look different from most other people. And they don't know it's possible. So they get scared when they see something they can't understand, and think that something must be wrong or dangerous about that person.

[ He's speaking softly but simply as he describes that, and threads their fingers together as he does. Idly moving their fingers together in an understated way that matches the sad-sweet way his eyes cast down slightly, and he tugs lightly to encourage him to stand closer. ]

As for how long it's been... [ He hesitates, gentling as his eyes drop. ] You saw about how long.

[ That night when the circus was destroyed... the next day was also when he left Edinburgh. ]

I'd say it's probably been about ten years.

Edited 2022-09-26 03:49 (UTC)

[ Trading? He still doesn't know about his brother's side business, so this is news to him and a line of inquiry he'd very much pursue in any other situation when they weren't in danger. Though, he still doesn't understand where that danger stems from. So, he nods instead, filing that information for later.

As for the explanation... No powers or special abilities? ]

They're quirkless.

[ It's the way he understands it. It's a minority in his world, around 20%. Not a small number but it was rare to come across someone who didn't have some kind of quirk. But that still doesn't explain why they would be scared of them. ]

Why don't they know it's possible? Haven't they seen Exorcists use their powers?

[ Not understanding is one thing, but outright not knowing? That doesn't make sense to him. He frowns as Allen threads their fingers together. Though he steps forward at the gentle encouragement. It's not him he has an issue with. This close, he catches on to where he's looking and wonders what else he's thinking about.

Is something wrong?

A thought that gets set aside the moment Allen reminds him of the vision. The frown vanishes in an instant, and he sweeps an arm around his back to hold him close and cocoons him in a gentle heat emanating from every part of him as if to chase away the cold from that night. ]

I'll follow your lead. For now, let's get out of the snow.

Edited 2022-09-26 04:42 (UTC)

[ Quirkless? Well, that's close enough from the literal way Allen understands that to be. His gaze flicks back to him at the understandable confusion about Exorcists, and he offers a very small sort of smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. ]

There aren't many Exorcists, and we don't use our powers except when fighting akuma. Even if people might know the church or the Order most haven't heard of us, or understand what that means. [ And when people see unexplainable things caused by Innocence, they interpret it as other phenomena. Useful when trying to find it as it causes such a disruption, but not great for misunderstandings.

And I thought... this was all over and done. A chapter closed before he ever truly understood it. ]

Ua— [ ! He's not expecting to be swept up like that, eyes almost comically wide at it. Reflexively he brings his hands up to snag into the back of Shouto's sweater, blinking at the suddenness of it, before the warmth washes over him. The gentleness of the gesture, and he's too struck to move as his heart twists.

Ah... ]

Edited 2022-09-26 20:13 (UTC)

[ ...that isn't fair when he's so cold. ]

... [ Eyes hooding, he lowers his head to press his mouth against his shoulder and his grip loosens into a gentler embrace. Reluctant for a moment, before he lets himself sink against him. You'll make me just want to stay like this when I can't. And make me feel so glad that you're here, when...

... ]

Yeah. [ He pulls back then, reluctantly. Catching the edge of Shouto's sleeve, he gives a small tug as he moves towards the mouth of the alley again. ]

Let's go.

Edited 2022-09-26 17:14 (UTC)

[ Most haven't heard of us, or understand what that means.

That line triggers a thread of understanding he's only now realizing he missed when Allen first spoke of his world and his ties with Exorcists. Does no one... know what you do? An astounding thought for someone who comes from a world where heroic deeds are not only known but quantified into a public ranking system. But how... don't they know? He's seen Allen in action. Witnessed the angel that cloaks him in a protective embrace similar to Dark Shadow and Tokoyami, who fight together as one, independent of the other. How someone could see him fight and not tell others what they saw seems almost impossible, if not willingly ignorant.

We don't use our powers except when fighting akuma.

The layers of secrecy add to his confusion. Realizing this, he steps back from it. Right now, they need to find proper clothes, food, and shelter. The longer Allen stays out in the cold without proper attire, the worse shape he'll be in. So, for now, he shelves it for another time when he can properly examine it and returns his attention to his companion.

With his thoughts so focused on Allen, the reminder of his vision trips up his heart and spurs him into action. He acts on instinct, taking him into his arms to melt the piling snow he couldn't do anything about in the memory. Heat pours out of him, not the burning kind that his brother and father perfected, but a gentler one, just above body heat, meant to embrace, not burn. The kind of heat akin to him: controlled and unobtrusive.

When Allen pulls away, he lets him go without a word. No question, no pressing heat. He steps back, letting the cocoon of warmth ebb away. When he's tugged forward by his sleeve, Shouto follows him into the unknown without a second thought. ]

Edited 2022-09-27 04:04 (UTC)

[ Back on the street, they're still going to attract way more attention than Allen wants just from being so woefully and weirdly underdressed compared to everyone else, though people's own discomfort and disinclination to get involved will certainly work in their favor. He'd rather avoid it entirely and might try to be sneakier about it he was on his own... but the only other recourse would really be to take to the rooftops and that's got its own problems. But they only get weirded out stares and are given a wide berth. Shouto's hair, actually, gets the most head turns and a couple whispers. Perhaps they're performers? Is there a circus in town? What a strange wig. Could you even call that a costume? Perhaps they're lost...

Allen's quick to navigate the streets, doing so with more ease than he thought he would have. Ah... perhaps these memories were fresher to him than he thought they would, he would have thought he'd have forgotten the city or maybe it would have changed in the time he's been away, but aside from some shops being different and new lights it's very much the same. They move from a district with broad, relatively open streets with decorated shop windows and respectable gentlemen and ladies dressed well into an older-looking part of town, where the the streets are narrow alleys that wind about and the buildings taller and jammed in. Butchers hang their meat outside to drain and the blood runs off down the side of the street, following the natural incline of the hill. Broken barrels and furniture and other forgotten trash are littered about more here, and cold-looking thin children playing among them watch the two strange-looking young men with wide eyes. They bolt and run the moment either makes eye contact.

The inns have changed as well; whereas before they were airy and bright-looking establishments with many people sitting down to eat, now there's smaller and wedged in with the rest. Louder, with rowdy drunken voices even though it can't be later than midday, and men loitering outside who watch them pass with distrustful eyes. Sailors, some of them, by the look of various tattoos they bear.

It smells more here, and looks dirtier. Laundry is hung above them from window to window in dozens of lines. ]

This is one of the older parts of Edinburgh. [ Allen turns and explains it patiently as they walk, his expression gentle. ]

When I was with the circus I'd ovearhear some of the performers talk about coming here. [ He pauses, looking contrite. ] I'm afraid it might not be the nicest place...

Edited 2022-09-27 04:30 (UTC)

[ Even after Allen's explanation, the whispers fail to garner his attention, far too used to people openly speaking about him and pointing him out. That's the thing about heroes that's swept aside: they're always in the limelight. The same holds true for those around them. The higher they climb, the more eyes follow their progress. Shouto grew up in the spotlight, the son of an infamous hero with a quirk to fill the tabloid news, so the subtle whispers of Allen's Victorian world do little to earn his notice. It doesn't help that he's more worried about Allen than any odd looks thrown his way. Though the hushed whispers of a circus in town draw his attention, which in turn, spooks away the would-be gossipers. He remembers the brightly colored tents from his vision and wonders if it's the same one he glimpsed on that midwinter night.

Ten years...

His eyes wander to Allen who paces in front of him, leading them through the districts that fall into disrepair the further they journey into the city. The people here are less inclined to whisper, their gesticulations a lot brasher than he's used to. A time or two, Shouto stops mid-step caught up by something so far from what he knows, it leaves him rooted to the spot. Carcasses hanging from dirty posts, blood left to drain on streets where drunkards roam. Brazen men with tattoos on full display stating their allegiance to the yakuza. ]

Older?

[ He stares at one of the sailors who eyes them with a focused look. The man narrows his eyes when he doesn't look away and takes a step toward them when he keeps on staring right back. Allen's mention of the circus, thankfully, has him breaking the stalemen as he turns to look at him with a curious look in his eyes. ]

How long were you with the circus?

Edited 2022-09-28 04:25 (UTC)

[ Allen misses the inadvertent stare-down, having to pay more attention to stepping carefully than he's used to, but does catch the warning signs in the man's posture from his periphery out of instinct and glances back with a blink. Noting how Shouto is turning back to look at him at the same time and... were you...?

He snags the edge of his sleeve again between thumb and forefinger gently and tugs lightly, moving forward a little more quickly. Please don't inadvertently start a fight... ]

I'm not sure... [ He hesitates slightly, gaze shifting forward with a slightly distracted but somber expression. No smiles or veneer. ]

I was there as long as I could remember. Maybe three years.

[ He was starting nothing! .... Buuut, it's probably a good idea to lead him away; he's got no street etiquette.

For as long as he could remember? Doesn't that mean that - He reverses his hold, turning his hand over to take a hold of his wrist, strengthening the connection. ]

Allen.

Did you grow up in the circus?

[ Oh--

He blinks slightly that he takes his head, glancing back with a lightly surprised but gentle expression. ]

Ah, yeah. Until I went with Mana.

[ They're definitely gets some just outright confused looks from the people watching them pass, two strange-looking young men with one in socks and the other slippers, decidedly not dressed to be outdoors holding hands in the street in the slums part of town. It's the kind of thing you just have to kind of stare and "???" at and wonder what the hell you're even looking at. Even here. Although Allen doesn't seem to care. ]

[ Mana, from how Allen described it, was a pierrot. A clown of sorts. It made sense he'd spend his early years with the circus, except... he steps closer. He's used to being stared at, and right now, there's someone more important in front of him to pay the onlookers any mind.

Why did you leave the circus?
How did you end up in the snow that night?
Was it after you were cursed?

The questions keep piling, one after the other, adding three-dimensional layers to the flat puzzle he'd started to piece together. It's odd. The more I learn about you, the less I understand you. He turns that thought over in his mind. Even so... He looks gently at him. I still like you. ]

When we have time.

[ He takes his other hand and activates his quirk, warming him up. ]

I'd like to hear about your time there.

Edited 2022-09-29 04:54 (UTC)

[ It's such a gentle request but it's one that brings Allen up to a full stop too, hesitating with an expression both so caught and so fragile. Hard to read. Before, you'd said something along those lines too... "I want to know you. Good or bad." And he blinks, realizing something quite suddenly. You...

...you so rarely ask for anything, but you asked for that. He's left stunned enough he can barely appreciate the warmth that seeps in again, chasing away some of the chill. That truth is so ugly though. But...

But I saw your ugly truths already, too. ]

...mm. [ A complicated look flickers across his face, eyes hooding softly. Acceptance, sorrow, awe, gratitude, affection... He squeezes his hands tenderly in acknowledgement—and thanks. ] I'll tell you later.

I don't mind if it's you. [ He says it so gently, and so plainly. ]

Edited 2022-09-29 05:36 (UTC)

[ "Ain't that sweet."

A man's voice comes from the side. Sitting at a ramshackle table set up in front of what looks like a bar with two others, his cigarette smoke hangs in the air as he takes a long drag and exhales. Some playing cards are spread in front of the them, a small pile of coins in the center of the table.

"Seems like you boys are lost though." It isn't said with a friendly look, though it isn't hostile either. With a lazy smile and a raised eyebrow, it'd almost be easy to mistake his demeanor as friendly if it weren't for there being something sharklike about it. "Might wanna run home to your mothers before something happens."

Allen, tensing up immediately, quickly shifts his full attention to them. Calmly though, sober, but Shouto might notice how he grips his hands tighter for a moment (did he let go at being called out? no). Electric tension that he keeps entirely off his face outside of how bright and alert his eyes become. High guard, hackles up.

His gaze pans up and down the three men, sizing them up. His eyes settle on on the man's boots for a long moment, and his expression cools. Shrewd--

Assured. ]

Those are nice shoes you have. [ It's soft-spoken still, but clipped. They are not nice shoes, none of them are; they're worn, muddy, and patched.

But they look the right size. ]

Is there room for one more at that table?

Edited 2022-09-29 05:37 (UTC)

[ Later, then. He nods quietly, his soft expression out of place in the pitiless streets of the impoverished district.

Shouto looks up at the same time Allen does, almost surprised by the pair of eyes set on them. The man sits alongside several others holding cards in their hands. Oh, they're playing a game. An unexpected surprise. At first glance, he looked suspect, but seeing as he's hanging out with his friends, it settles any misgivings his opening line brought on. However, at the mention of his mother, his eyes swing to the man a second time, unswayed by his easy demeanor. He misses the jab, but the tightening grip on his hand makes him aware something's up. Ironically, it's Allen's response that catches him off guard.

Nice? He swings a skeptical look at him. Considering how well he took care of his boots, he should know the shoes the man wore were not nice at all. The questioning look is plain for anyone to see, but if the men thought they were playing a con on them, his next question settles that debate. ]

Room? [ He blinks, lost. ] Room for what?

[ He has no clue what's going on. ]

Edited 2022-09-29 06:17 (UTC)

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